


Cold Stones

by RobronRainbows



Category: robron
Genre: Aaron and Adam best mates, Finding comfort, Love, M/M, Roberts a GP, Self Harm, Struggling, concerned Robert, confusing feelings, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2018-12-05 04:32:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11570385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobronRainbows/pseuds/RobronRainbows
Summary: Roberts a GP at his local surgery. His life isn't very eventful until he meets his new patient Aaron.





	1. First meeting

There was a small nock on the wooden door before the next patient slowly walked in. 

Robert smiled “Hello. Take a seat” Robert pointed to the soft padded chairs beside his desk. 

“Hi.” Aaron said with a polite smile as he unzipped his jacket and sat down. 

Aaron hadn’t been to this GP surgery before as he hadn’t needed to go to the doctor for years. He didn’t really want to come today, but his uncle had made him. 

Robert spun round in his chair to face Aaron as he rested his hands on his thighs “So, what’s the problem today?.” Robert had said that line 100 times over in the last week. It was something that was almost instinct to him now. 

“It’s my throat, it’s not sore but…” Aaron raised his hand to his throat “its more of an ache and I’ve had it for about 2 weeks.”

Robert nodded. “Have you had a cold, been unwell recently?”

Aaron was about to answer when he got distracted by the freckles that ran all the way down Roberts neck and underneath the collar of his light blue shirt. 

“Aaron?” Robert asked concerned as he hadn’t spoken. 

Aaron’s eyes shot up. “Err... yeah, no I haven’t.” 

“Ok. Can I have a look in your mouth?”

“Yeah.” Aaron swallowed down all the saliva in his mouth before shuffling forward towards Robert as his hand wrapped around each other nervously in his lap. 

Robert also shuffled forward as he placed a wooden flat stick on Aaron’s tongue and shined a light down his throat. 

Roberts face was just a few inches away and Aaron was doing his best not to make direct eye contact. 

Robert pulled away and put put the objects down on his desk. “Have you been feeling tired, warn down?”

Aaron thought about it. “Maybe, don’t know really, it’s hard to tell.”

“Why?”

“Just, I work a lot, so..I’m always tired.”

“Are you stressed?” 

Aaron shrugged.

Robert could see something in Aaron’s face, something that concerned him. “Is there anything worrying you at the moment?.”

Aaron shrugged again. “Not that I can think of.”

Robert nodded. “Would you say you’re happy?”

Aaron shook his head in confusion “what do you mean?”

“In general?” Robert asked. 

Aaron nodded “yeah, I guess.”

Robert decided to let it go. “Okay, well I’m thinking it’s just a virus that you’ve got.”

“But I haven’t got a cold.” 

“It can effect you in all different ways. If you like I can give you some antibiotics but in opinion, If you wait it will get better by itself and being healthy will always help. Do you smoke?”

“Used to.”

“Right well, I think we should wait and see.”

Aaron nodded “you’re the boss.”

Aaron stood up quickly making him groan out as he did so while holding his side. 

Robert frowned. “You alright?”

“Yeah, fine. I pulled a muscle that’s all.”

Robert was concerned he wasn’t being truthful. “How did you pull it?”

“Kayaking.”

Robert smiled as he tried to assess if he was lying or not. “Is that your job?”

Aaron huffed “I wish. No it’s a hobby.”

“Where do you go kayaking?”

Aaron thought it was a little strange of Robert to ask. 

“Why?”

Robert realised it sounded a little personal. “Oh, sorry I don’t mean to sound odd, it’s just I go kayaking too.”

Aaron smiled. “Yeah, where?”

That smile. Aaron’s whole face changed when he smiled, and Robert noticed. “Just down from west of the pier, near the dunes.”

“Really?” Aaron raised his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, why?”

“No, it’s just that’s where me and my mate Adam go all the time. I’ve never seen you there.”

Robert looked at Aaron, at the way his face just completely lit up as he talked about something he loved. “Never seen you there either. I only normally go Friday evening.”

Aaron smiled and nodded. “I work late on Friday’s.”

Robert laughed lightly “probably why then.” He looked down at his watch. “Shit I’ve got about 15 more patients to see.”

Aaron coughed lightly. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll get out of your way.”

“No it’s okay, you’ve been the most interesting person I’ve spoken to in about 6 weeks.” Robert laughed. “Maybe I’ll see you down the beach sometime.”

Aaron felt a rush of excitement. He scanned Roberts body up and down as they both stood there trying to say their goodbyes “Yeah maybe. Only if you come on a night other then a Friday.” Aaron zipped up his coat. 

“Ok, I will.” Robert stood up “see you around then. If that throat still hurts in a week or so then make another appointment.”

“Yes boss.” Aaron huffed out another laugh then quickly feeling a little embarrassed about it. He opened the door, leaving with a smile.

Robert watched the door close as he smiled wildly to himself. It was the most he’d felt in months.


	2. Waiting for him

Aaron was sat on the stoney beach as he waited for Adam to arrive. He and Adam had been mates since high school and he was only one of a few people that really understood him. They’d always got on and Adam had never had a problem with Aaron’s sexuality, unlike some of his other so-called mates. 

Aaron laid back on the stones as he stared at the sky. He looked at the clouds, like he could imagine he was up there, free as a bird just floating around with not a care in the world. 

“Mate.”

Adams voice was in the distance as he looked over to him walking towards him in his water gear. 

“Your late.” Aaron said sternly with a hint of humour. 

“Yeah sorry, my mum needed a hand with some stuff.”

Aaron smiled. “No worries.” He sat up. “Right, ready?”

“Yeah mate, come on.” Adam ran to the water as Aaron smiled and joined him. 

 

They’d been messing around, having races and just enjoying the sunset when Aaron looked out over the other side of the beach to see a tall man, all in black, heading into the water. The thought of Robert popped into his head as he watched the man pick up speed, heading out to sea. 

Adam looked at what Aaron was looking at. “He’s going for it!”

“Yeah.” Aaron replied as he didn’t take his eyes off of the athletic looking guy. 

“Getting a good look.” Adam smiled. 

“Shut it you, he’s miles away. Just appreciating his talent.”

Adam smirked. “I bet you are.”

“Ha ha.” Aaron splashed him with water “your such a prat!”

“You’re the one whole checking out the fit guy!”

Aaron nodded his head with a large smile “you’re an idiot.” he looked back over as the guy was coming closer. 

“Here you go mate, here’s your chance to ask him out.”

Aaron tutted “shhh.” 

The guy paddled past and it soon dawned on Aaron that it wasn’t Robert. 

“HEY.” Adam shouted at the stranger. 

“EVENING” the guy called back as he paddled by. 

As the guy went out of ear shot Aaron splashed Adam with water “dick”

Adam smiled. “Calm down, I only said hey!”

Aaron closed his eye, huffed and sped off towards the shore.

 

“Oi!” Adam walked up to Aaron who was sat on the sandy dunes. “I was only messing.”

Aaron knew he was and if he was honest, that wasn’t the reason he was in a mood. The guy. It wasn’t Robert and for some reason he was gutted about it.

It has been two weeks since he’d met him and he half wished his throat ache hadn’t gone away so he could book another appointment so he could talk to him again. 

Aaron looked at Adam. “Sorry.”

He slung his arm around Aaron’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Are you at mine for tea?”

“Yeah, if that’s alright?”

“Course mate. You know I told you that you could move in.”

“Don’t start this again. It’s your new place, I’m not moving in.”

“I want you to and you hate it at Cains!”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?”

Aaron shrugged Adam off his shoulders and stood up. “Just leave it alright.” He walked off towards the kayaks. 

Adam walked after him. “Okay fine, I’ll leave it.”

Aaron picked his kayak up. “That’s what you always say and then you bring it up again and again.”

Aaron felt bad instantly for barking at Adam. He sighed deeply. “Sorry.”

Adam smiled. “I just….i love you mate.”

Aaron smiled. “I know you do.”

 

 

It was a week later when Robert finally got a free evening from work that wasn’t a Friday. He’d been completely swamped at work because two of the doctors had been off sick so he’d been covering for them. 

He’d quickly grabbed his kayak from his house before making his way to the beach. He felt bad for not going sooner. He felt like he’d made a promise to meet Aaron and he hoped Aaron didn’t think he was choosing not to bump into him. 

He pulled up into the gravel paved car park that looked out to sea. He paid the car parking fee and got his kayak out of his boot. 

 

As he paddled into the sea, slowly making his way out into the water. He kept looking over to the shaw, searching for any sign of him. 

Robert didn’t really know what it was he was obsessing about. He’d been thinking about Aaron for weeks and he didn’t even know if he was gay or even slightly interested. It wasn’t even that he was looking for something but he just couldn’t get Aaron out of his head. 

 

“He’s a dick, he just barks orders at me and he’s not even the boss! I fucking hate him!” Aaron moaned as he and Adam pulled up in Aaron’s car. “He’s just annoying me all the time.”

Adam just nodded along. “Ok. Chill mate.”

They got out the car and walked round to the back to get the kayaks out.

Aaron breathed out deeply, talking off his trainers and putting on his slip-on water sports shoes. “Let’s just get out there.”

That’s when he looked up and spotted someone out in the water. His chest filled with emotion. He felt excited.

“Ready?” Adam said. 

“Yeah.”

They walked toward the beach, all the while Aaron couldn’t take his eyes off of the bobbing figure in the sea. His heart was beating in his chest with anticipation. 

It was crazy. He’d only had a five minute conversation with him and now he was giving him butterflies. It didn’t make sense.

 

They paddled out. Aaron was trying not to be to obvious that he was heading straight for the guy. He kept looking at him, trying to work out if it was Robert. 

As he got closer he could see it was definitely him. He hadn’t told Adam about Robert. Not that there was anything to tell. 

 

Robert smiled as he realised it was Aaron. He made his way over “Aaron.”

Aaron looked over as he was trying to hide the fact that he’d been staring at him the whole time. “Alright” Aaron smiled.

“Good thanks. You?”

Aaron nodded “yeah, good.”

It was a little awkward and Adam was frowning. 

Aaron looked at Adam then back at Robert. “This is Adam, my best mate.”

Robert smiled at Adam. “Hey.”

Adam still looked confused. 

“Adam this is Robert.” 

Adam smiled back. “Hey.”

Aaron could see Adam would need an explanation. “I met Robert the other day. He mentioned he also likes to kayak.”

Adam smiled “oh right. Cool.”

Aaron felt a little anxious. He kinda wished he’d told Adam about it so it wasn’t so awkward.

“So, you made it here eventually?” Aaron joked. 

Robert laughed. “Yeah, well works been insane, couldn’t get away.” Robert felt like he needed to explain, like he didn’t want Aaron to think badly of him.

Adam looked between them and smiled. “I just remembered I needed to call my mum, tell her something important. Be back in a minute. He paddled away and Aaron knew he didn’t need to call his mum, but he was definitely grateful for it.

As Adam sped off Aaron smiled. “So, thought you’d changed your mind about coming down here.”

“Nope.” Robert shook his head lightly. 

There was something there, something buzzing under the surface between them.

“So, you live close to here?” Robert asked.

It was a bit of a sore subject with Aaron. “Yeah, five minutes away.” He failed to tell him he lived with his uncle. 

“Cool. Well I live just down the road.”

“Oh, really close then.”

“Yeah.”

“So you really have no excuse to not spend more time down here!”

“I got off early tonight. Apart from Friday’s I work until 6 and it’s pitch dark by then!”

“Hope you didn’t get special time off just to see me again.”

Aaron could hear the sound of his voice, the obvious flirting and he felt a little bad as he didn’t even know if Robert was remotely interested. 

“Maybe.” 

Robert was deffo flirting back. Or was he?

Robert smiled. “It’s okay, I was due some time off and I wanted to see you again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Needed someone else to kayak with.”

“None of your mates like kayaking then?”

Robert felt his chest tighten as the question about mates was asked, as it always did. Robert was alone. All alone and he didn’t know how to tell anyone that. 

“Nah, not really. It’s nice for you that your mate is.”

Aaron looked round as Adam was sitting in Aaron’s car. 

“Yeah. Me and him have been coming out here for years.”

“That’s good.”

Aaron nodded “yeah. He’s a good guy.”

Robert looked out over the ocean as he scanned the scenery. 

Aaron wanted to test the water, he wanted to find out what Robert was all about. “So do you live on your own?”

“Err, yeah.” 

Aaron pouted and nodded. “Not married with kids then?”

Robert raised an eyebrow “why, do I seem like that type of guy?”

“Well you seem like someone that’s got it together. Good job, bet you’ve got a nice house.”

Robert shrugged. “Well that doesn’t automatically come with a wife and kids. Maybe that’s not what I want.” Robert realised he was getting a little to deep into the conversation. “Anyway, what about you?”

“What about me?” Aaron knew what he was asking but he was trying to prolong having to answer it. 

“Do you have a girlfriend, wife?”

Aaron looked down at the water. “No.” He wanted to tell him he didn’t have a Boyfriend or husband but something in his head wouldn’t let him.

“Thought you would, good looking guy like you.” Robert hated himself for saying it the second after it came out of his mouth. 

Aaron looked back at Adam, then back at Robert. He knew what Adam would tell him, what he always tells him about being himself and never being afraid. He took a breath in before looking back at Robert. 

“Actually I’m gay, so…”

Robert smiled. “Yeah? Sorry okay, boyfriend or husband then?”

Aaron felt shocked. It was that easy for him to accept it, like it was nothing. 

“And you don’t have a problem with that?”

Robert frowned “no course not.”

“Well a lot of people would have!”

Robert shook his head “not me.”

“Well good.” Aaron voice was a bit shaky. “I was worried you wouldn’t want to know.”

Robert paddled a bit closer. “I’m not one of them people Aaron.”

Aaron smiled. “Is that because you’re a GP, you have to accept everyone.”

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Definitely not. Trust me some of the people I work with are small minded pricks.”

“Lucky I got you then.” Aaron said with a grin.

Robert laughed. “Definitely.”

 

Adam had joined them and they’d all got along great, messing around and having races to see who could get to the beach and do 5 star jumps the quickest. It was the most fun the three of them had had in a while and Robert had got completely lost in having fun that he’d forgotten the time. 

“Shit, sorry. I have to go.”

Aaron sat up from laying on the sand trying to catch his breath. “Okay.” He didn’t want to ask why he had to go but just sort of came out. “Why?”

Robert looked uncomfortable. “Just paper work that’s all, have to get it done before tomorrow.”

Aaron smiled. “Ok.”

Adam was over the other side of the beach as his punishment for coming last was to touch the harbour wall and run back. 

“Maybe I’ll see you here again some time.” Robert said while looking anywhere but at Aaron. 

“Sounds great?” Aaron blurted out. 

Robert looked at Aaron and smiled. “Yeah? You don’t want to get rid of me then?”

“What, no!”

“I’m not interrupting you and your mate.”

Aaron then had a thought. “Friday.” He said without meaning for it to come out. 

“Thought you worked late on Fridays?”

“Maybe I’ll see if I can get this Friday off early and me and you can chill out.”

Robert looked over at Adam who was making his way back. “Just me and you?”

“Is that okay?”

Robert swallowed the lump in his throat “yeah, yeah sounds good. So maybe I can get your number?” Robert asked with a little uncertainty. 

Aaron smiled. “Come to the car, ill grab my phone.”

Robert followed Aaron to his car. He got his phone out of his back pack and handed it to Robert. “Put your number in and ring your mobile.”

Robert brushed the sand from his hands, typing his number in and pressing call. 

Aaron was just watching him, watching his hands, his arms, looking at the way his top was tight on his chest and stomach. 

Robert smiled and handed the phone back.

“Cheers” He took his phone back, put it in his bag and shut the car door. “So I’ll text you on Friday or maybe before and tell you if I can make it.”

“Yeah.” Robert felt that familiar excitement stirring thought his chest. “I better go.”

“Yeah. Go on, clear off!” Aaron joked. 

Robert laughed. “See yea.” He walked towards his car as Aaron watched. 

 

As Robert drove away with a wave, Adam appeared from the beach. 

“Where’s he going?”

Aaron tried to wipe the smile off his face. “He had to do work.”

Adam nodded and smiled. 

“What?” Aaron shrugged. 

“I hope you snogged him goodbye!”

Aaron laughed. “What?” 

“He was so into you.”

“Adam he’s straight!”

“Did he tell you that?”

Aaron pouted. “No but he didn’t say he was gay and I told him I was so don’t you think he would have said then if he was too.” 

Adam shrugged. “Anyway mate. You fancy the pants off of him!”

Aaron turned away “no I don’t.”

Adam laughed loudly “you couldn’t be more obvious mate. I hope you got his number.”

Aaron smiled. “I did actually!” He gave Adam a cheeky wink. 

Adam wrapped his arms around him. “Good lad!”

 

“Hiya, I’m here to see Jack Sugden.” 

The smiley lady buzzed him into the building as he walked through some double doors and signed himself in. He’d been here many times before, walking down the same corridor to the room at the bottom. He walked in, pushing the door fully open as he saw his Dad sitting there like he always was. 

“Hi Dad, its Robert.” He went to take his dad’s hand but Jack pulled away.

“No!” Jack shouted. ‘”I don’t want you. I want Andy.” 

Robert ran a hand over his face. “He’s not here dad, it’s just me.”

“No!”

Robert sat down on the chair opposite him. “Dad, how are you feeling.” 

“Get away from me.” His Dad picked up his water cup and threw in on the floor. 

Robert took a deep breath and tried to relax as he picked the cup up and placed it back on the table.

“Dad it’s okay. It’s me.”

“I don’t want you Robert.”


	3. Home

Robert got home that night absolutely exhausted. His whole body just wanted to lay down and sleep but his brain wouldn’t let him. He’d tried so hard to make his Dad see what he was saying, tried to speak to him about how Andy wasn’t alive anymore but he just kept saying how much he wanted him. Robert understand how much he must miss his son but he hated the fact that he wouldn’t appreciate the son he still had. Him and his Dad had never been close, never got on like him and Andy did and they’d always been a wall between them. Once his dad got sick he didn’t want to waste anymore time being angry at him, he wanted to spend time with him and bond. It never worked. He just wanted Andy. 

Robert pushed himself off his kitchen worktop and filled the kettle up. It was late, gone 11pm but Robert wasn’t hungry. He grabbed a mug and a tea bag and poured the water in. It was lonely, he was lonely. He didn’t mind being on his own. Most of the day he spends with lots of people and he’s happy to sit in peace, watching the tele or eating meals but it gets to the point were he wants to share those things with someone else. He took the tea bag out, poured in some milk and went into his living room and taking a seat on the sofa.  
He lived in a nice 3 bedroom house. It was too big for just him but he had planned on having a family one day so he went for the house that he liked the most. It was a small walk to the beach and that was one thing that was important to him. He loved the sea, always had. He’d always lived by the seaside and he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.  
His life was steady and stable but there was something that didn’t fit, didn’t feel right in his heart but he didn’t know what that was. He did know one thing though, Aaron, Aaron made him feel something that he hadn’t felt in many years.

 

Aaron ended up staying at Adams that night. He didn’t particularly want to go home. It was a nightmare most nights and he couldn’t deal with it all, not after having such a good day, he wasn’t going to let them ruin it for him. 

Aaron lived with his uncle. Basically it was his only option for now, he was stuck there. His mum left him when he was 2 years old and his Dad had passed away 10 years ago. Aaron was left with his uncle Cain and his wife. He didn’t have any brothers or sisters. He always wished he did because at least then he’s have someone else to be with. 

Cain and his wife were the worst matched people on the planet but for some reason they don’t seem to realise it. Aaron had grown up in a house that was a contact noise of shouting and fighting. His uncle wasn’t a violent man and he’d never been horrible to Aaron but Aaron didn’t deal with the unstable environment very well, it made him anxious and uneasy, it always had. 

Aaron left school with not many qualifications and started working at his uncles garage. He’d been saving since he was sixteen to get enough money to get a place of his own. He had moved out once but his money was just been consumed by rent and he hadn’t planned it out well. He soon realised he was running out of money and had to move back in with Cain and Mary. They were never violent to each other, it was always shouting, never stopped bloody shouting. Never happy, never laughing. It was such a toxic place to be. 

He laid there in Adams spare room, just appreciating the silence. He pulled the covers up over his arms before he heard his phone go ping. He frowned. He couldn’t think who it could be. 

 

Robert had been sat there in the dark for 20 minutes before he decided he should text Aaron. He wanted to just talk to someone and Aaron kept popping onto his head. 

R: hey Aaron it’s Robert. Just wanted to say that I had a great time today. Thanks. 

Robert was worried he’d sound pathetic but he wanted to take the risk.

Aaron just stared at the message and smile. He didn’t think for one second that Robert would text him that night. He tried to think of that to say. 

A: hey : ) me too. Had a lot of fun. 

Aaron was stuck for what else to say. He wanted to start a conversation but he wasn’t sure what about. 

Robert smiled so widely when the message came back. He was worried Aaron might’ve been asleep or just not interested.

R: did you and Adam go back out?. 

A: yeah for about an hour. Wish you could have stayed longer. 

Roberts heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. No one in so long had wanted him, wanted to spend proper time with him. 

R: me too. Hopefully we can meet up again Friday. 

A: hope so. Did you have fun doing your paper work?”

Robert could feel the anxious feelings coming back as he shifted on the sofa. 

R: no. Never do. Sorry if it’s too late to be texting you.

A: no it’s fine. I’m staying at Adam’s tonight.

Robert was jealous in a way of the friendship they both had. Robert did have a friend like that once but It unfortunately went very wrong. 

R: lads night in is it? 

A: not really. I was crazy tired so I’m in bed. 

R: oh sorry, did I wake you up?

A: no you didn’t. It’s alright. 

R: I better let you sleep. Text me when you know about Friday.”

Aaron smiled. 

A: I will do. Night Robert. 

The words “night Robert” made Robert literally tear up. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he thought about the fact that no one had said good night to him in years. 

R: goodnight Aaron. 

Robert put his phone down on the side and laid back again the cushions of the sofa. He felt heat rising to his cheeks as he couldn’t wait to see Aaron again.

 

It was Thursday and Robert was trying his best to calm his father down so he wouldn’t hurt himself. His dad was sure he was under attack, that people were trying to get to him, shoot him, take him away. He was running down the corridor with a knife in his hand that he’d gotten from his evening meal while shouting at people to hide, to escape. Robert tried to get the knife off of him when his dad pushed him to the grown. Robert got back up again before his Dad swing round and punched him across the face. He was in his 80’s but he could still pack a punch.  
Robert was a heap on the floor while two security men got hold of Jack and escorted him back to his room.

 

Robert sat on the edge of the pier. He rolled his shoulders as his muscles cracked across his back. His eye was sore, the skin broken as it bruised around it.  
He took a deep breath in as he looked out at the sea with glazed over eyes and his chest tightening, the pain seeping throughout his body like a dull ache. He rested his head in his hands as he squeezed his eye shut trying to shut it all out.

He was sitting there for an hour before he got up. His face was numb from the cold and he knew he needed to get a decent amount of sleep to be able to cope the next day.

He walked back to his house. Opened the door and stepped inside. He felt like crying. He felt like just screaming into the dark empty house but he knew he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t ever do that because he was too weak. To weak to make a fuss, to weak to ask for help and it was all his fault he was alone. His father hated him and he deserved it, he knew he did.

He walked up the stairs and into the bathroom, turning on the taps to the bath and poured some bubble bath into the running water.  
As the water filled up the white bath tub, Robert undressed and stepped in. He wanted to warm his skin after the cold sea air had made it dry.  
As his skin seeped in the warmth he tried his hardest not to cry, to sob into the hot water. He sunk down into the foaming bath as his phone started to ring. He looked over, squinting to see who it was on the screen as his phone lay half out of his trousers pocket.

It was Aaron. The name he saved into his phone just a few days ago and he was the person that had contacted him the most in weeks.  
He quickly got out of the bath, dried his hand on a towel and picked up the ringing phone. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Robert. Sorry if It’s a bad time.”

“No, no it’s not. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine. I just wanted to tell you that I got Friday off so, if your still up for it then…”

“Yeah, yeah I am. Yeah.” Roberts voice was filled with excitement. His body was buzzing as the thoughts about his Dad faded and the thoughts of Aaron consumed him. 

“Okay good. Well I’ll meet you around half 4 ish. Is that okay?” Aaron asked. 

“I finish at half 4 so maybe a little later.”

“Okay, well I’ll head down there around half four and I’ll see you a little after that. Yeah?”

“Sounds good.”

There was a moment of silence before Robert spoke again. 

“So, you had a good day?”

“Yeah, was good. Well it wasn’t, it was the same old crap but it pays so I can’t moan.”

Aaron had told Robert he worked for a garage which his uncle owned but he never really went to much into it. Robert could tell it was something he didn’t like talking about or that he just didn’t care enough to.

“How about you, had some interesting patients?”

“Yeah, the usual”

Robert grabbed a towel and sat on the edge of the bath. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you again.”

“Yeah?” Aaron said surprised. 

“Yeah.”

There was a comfortable silence before Aaron said what he wanted to say but it also scared him to say how he felt. 

“Me too.”

Robert felt elated.

 

It was half 4 the next day and Aaron had just pulled into the car park. He looked out at the sea, at the roaring waves. It was a lot more choppy then it had been the day before and he didn’t normally go out when it was that stormy.  
It was too cold and wet to wait on the beach so he just waiting in his car for Robert to arrive. He put the car radio on and the heaters up full blast. 

 

Robert pulled in and parked up next to Aaron. He could see Aaron through the windows and Aaron waved for Robert to come and join him in his car.  
Robert jumped out of the divers seat, ran round to Aaron’s car and jumped in.

“Hey.” Robert closed the door with a gentle slam. “Nice weather for it.”

Aaron looked out to the sea as the rain lashed down on the window screen. “Yeah, it’s not the best kayaking weather.”

“No, not really.” Robert smiled. “I do like this weather though.”

“Me too.”

Aaron noticed Roberts slightly black eye. "Wow, what happened?." He pointed at Roberts face. 

"Oh...it was, well nothing, its fine."

Robert turned his head away looking out of his side window and Aaron could see he didn't fancy explaining it anymore. 

“What do you reckon then, do you wanna wait and see if it gets better or just call it a day?” Robert asked as he looked back round at Aaron.

Aaron didn’t want Robert to leave so soon. He’d been looking forward to them hanging out again. “Maybe we could do something else?”

“Like what?”

Aaron tried to think of something. He shook his head. “I dunno.”

Robert then had an idea but wasn’t sure if it would be to forward. 

“What?” Aaron said as he saw Robert thinking. 

“Well we could go back to mine, order in?”

Aaron smiled. “Err yeah, okay.” Aaron could feel his heartbeat rapidly increasing. 

“Okay well, follow me.” Robert smiled as he got out of Aaron’s car and ran back to get into his own. 

 

Aaron’s followed him down the road a little way before pulling into his small drive way to park in front of his house. 

They both ran to the front door as Robert opened it and welcomed Aaron in.

As they walked in there was a staircase directly to the left of them and on the right was the door way into the living room. Aaron stepped further inside as Robert shut the door behind them. They both took their shoes off before Aaron followed Robert down the hall and into the large kitchen diner. It was all opened planned with double doors leading to a big conservatory that over looked a large garden and summerhouse. 

As Robert offered Aaron a cuppa Aaron looked out of the window that looked out onto the garden. “Wow, this place is so nice.”

Robert got two mugs off the mug stand. “Yeah. It’s not bad. 

“Being a GP must pay well.”

Aaron instantly regretted saying that. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to…I just meant, that your lucky.”

“It’s alright.” Robert smiled. “It does have a hefty mortgage on it.”

“I bet.”

“It’s a bit big for just me but I guess I thought maybe one day I’d fill it.”

“Well maybe you will.”

“Maybe.”

Robert took his jacket off. “Here give me your coat, I’ll hang them up. I’ll put the fire on.”

Aaron unzipped his coat and handed it over. He watched as Robert walked into the hall and hung them on the hooks on the wall. There was something about this place, something about it that felt so warm and comforting. The warm coloured wooden floor with the cream walls covered in art. The whole place just made Aaron feel safe, relaxed. He looked down at his navy socks as they stood on the wooden kitchen floor and he felt a rush of emotion as the thought ran through him that he never wanted to leave.

Robert walked back through. “What you smiling at?” Robert asked. 

“Nothing.” Aaron smirked making Robert grin. “How do you like your tea?” 

“Milky no sugar.” 

“Milky?”

Aaron frowned. “Yeah.”

Robert shook his head. “That’s just wrong.”

“Oh and I bet you have black tea with 3 sugars!”

Robert huffed out a laugh as he poured water into the cups. “No, I have a splash of milk and no sugar.”

“Your sweet enough as it is, right?”

“Something like that!” Robert couldn’t take the smile off his face.

 

Robert had got the small wood burner going in the living as he switched on the tele.  
There was an L-shaped sofa in the spacious room with a soft fluffy cream carpet and magnolia walls. It was just as cozy as the rest of the house and Aaron found himself snuggling down into the slate grey coloured sofa.  
Robert was flicking through the channels as Aaron picked his tea off the coffee table and took a sip.

 

Robert picked a show about nature while they sat back as the calming noise of rain hitting the windows filled the room. 

“You’re so lucky.” Aaron said as he watched the crackling fire. 

“Am I?”

Aaron looked around “this place is amazing.”

He looked at Aaron, looked at his face as it scanned the room. 

“You think so?”

He looked at Robert. “You don’t?” 

“I guess I see it as a bit….”

"A bit what?”

“Lonely.”

The words hit Aaron hard. He couldn’t imagine how anyone would feel lonely in this house. 

“It’s just me. I guess if I had someone to share it with then I’d appreciate it more.”

Aaron shifted on the cushions. “Id love to live somewhere like this one day.”

“Well take it from me, find yourself a fella or a house mate.”

“Trust me, anything would be better then living with my uncle.”

“Why?”

“It’s just not a nice environment to be in. Him and his wife are always arguing.”

“Well you can come here whenever you like.”

Aaron smiled. “You hardly know me!”

“Well I’m getting to know you.” Robert put his cup down. “And I’m glad we met Aaron. Really glad.”

Aaron breathed in deeply “me too.”

It was like they both knew each other seemed a little lost, a little bit in need of Something. Aaron didn’t know if Robert was interested in men but he knew that even if he wasn’t he still wanted to be Robert’s friend. He could tell he was a good man and also maybe a man that was not all he seemed.  
Aaron didn’t want this to end, he wanted this night to last forever as he’d never felt so at home.


	4. I'm here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i haven't uploaded sooner and that the chapters aren't very long. I've been Ill recently and I've lost track a little. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Updating soon!

“There’s a great pizza shop down the road. They deliver.” Robert said as he sat up slightly. 

“Yeah?”

“If your hungry that is?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah. I could eat a pizza.”

Robert quickly got the menu from the kitchen and gave it to Aaron to have a look. 

 

The pizzas had arrived and both men were tucking in. It was such a natural thing, like this was something they did every Friday. 

“Do you work weekends?” Aaron asked, wiping the corner of his mouth. 

“Sometimes.”

“How about this Sunday?”

“No. Why?”

Aaron shrugged. “I’m off and…well, maybe we could do something?”

Robert was about to answer when his mobile rang. 

“Hang on.” He saw who was calling him and went into the kitchen. 

Aaron didn’t want to intrude but he also wanted to know who it was.

Roberts heart sank as soon as he saw the screen. They never called him unless it was an emergency. 

“Okay. I’ll be there soon.” Robert hung up and walked back into the living room. “Aaron, I’m so sorry. I have to go.”

Aaron took the pizza box off his lap. “Okay.” He stood up.

“I’m so sorry.” Robert felt awful. 

“No it’s fine. Is it work?.”

Robert panicked a little. “Yeah. An emergency.”

Aaron nodded. “Well maybe we can meet up Sunday?”

“Yeah, hopefully. I’ll text you.” Robert didn't want him to leave. 

“Ok.”

There was an awkward moment before Robert walked to the front door and opened it for Aaron. It was still raining heavily and Aaron put his jacket on and pulled the hood up. Before he left he turned to Robert. “I’ve had a really nice time today. Thanks.”

He left before Robert could say anything and he felt like he wanted to pull him back and tell him the same thing because he had, he’d had such chilled out time and he didn’t want Aaron to leave. 

 

Robert got buzzed in. 

“He’s in here. He won’t stop shouting for you.”

Robert sighed at the nurse. “Right. Ok.”

He walked into his fathers room. “Hello Dad.”

Jack looked up at him from his bed. “Andy is that you?.”

Robert felt his whole body just ache at the thought of going over it again and again that he wasn’t Andy and that Andy was dead.

“No, I’m Robert.”

“Who?”

Robert got closer. “I’m your son.”

“No your not.” Jack looked at the nurse. “Get him out of here.” Jack started shouting. “GET AWAY FROM ME!” He shouted it over and over again and Robert couldn’t seem to do anything to calm him down. He looked at the nurse and felt like crying as she just gave him a sad look.

Robert left the room and sat on one of the chairs against the wall. He ran is hand through his hair. “I can’t do this.” There was no one listening but he kept saying it. 

The nurse walked out after a few minutes. “Mr sugden?”

Robert didn’t move. He didn’t look up. 

“Do you want to try again. He’s calmed down now.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. Not tonight.”

The nurse nodded. “That’s probably best. Maybe try tomorrow?”

He lifted his head and sat up. “This isn’t ever going to get any better is it? 

Robert knew the answer. He knew.

He got up before she could answer. “It’s okay. Maybe see you tomorrow." He walked off towards the exit as he tried to keep it together.

 

He got home late. He walked into the kitchen as he poured himself some water. He felt numb, but that wasn’t anything new after he’d been to see his Dad. It was always the same sort of feeling, like he would never be enough for his dad, nothing he could ever do would make him happy. 

He walked into his conservatory as the sound of the rain filled his head. He laid down on the red soft sofa and looked up at the ceiling, watching the rain run over the glass roof.

He’d been there for a while before he decided to do what he’d been thinking about doing for the last 20 minutes. He needed to let people in. He wanted to take a risk because he needed to feel something again. 

He called Aaron. 

 

Aaron was in his room. He’d slipped in as quietly as he could because he didn’t want have another pointless conversation with Mary. They didn’t really get on and they never had anything good to say to each other so most of the time they just avoided talking.

 

He was watching TV and half falling asleep when his phone lit up and vibrated on his bedside cabinet.

As Roberts name can into view Aaron wasted no time in answering it.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Roberts voice was quiet.

“Are you okay?”

“I need to talk to you.” By that Robert meant he just needed to talk to someone. 

Aaron rubbed his eye and sat up on his bed “About what?” He was half worried he’d done something to annoying him. 

“Can we meet up?”

“When? Now?”

Robert thought about the time. “No it’s late.”

“I don’t mind. I can come to yours if you want?”

Robert sighed. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Okay. Do you want me to leave now?.” Aaron just wanted to see Robert again. 

“Yeah.” 

Aaron could hear that Robert wasn’t himself. 

“I’ll be there soon.”

 

They both sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. Robert could see Aaron looked concerned. Roberts eyes were red and he just looked a little lost.

“What’s wrong Robert?” Aaron asked softly. 

“I lied earlier about work. It wasn’t work that called me.”

“Okay. Who was it?”

Robert breathed in deeply. “The nursing home. My Dad, he’s in there.”

Aaron could see just how tough it was to even say the words. “He’s ill and I’m trying to be there for him but it’s so hard.” Roberts Breath caught in his throat. 

Aaron moved his hand across the table and held it again Roberts. “Talk to me about him.”

It was the last thing Robert expected him to say. “Really?”

Aaron nodded “yeah. I want to know about him.”

Aaron knew Robert needed to speak about it. For him, he had to get all his feelings out.

“Was he a good dad?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah. At the beginning he was, I guess.”

“And then?” Aaron could feel Roberts hand shaking.

“He found something out, then it was never the same.”

He could see tears in Roberts eyes. “It’s okay. We can stop talking about it if you want.”

“He found out I was gay. Well that’s what he thought anyway. I tried to tell him that it didn’t matter, that it didn’t change who I was, that I was still the same person he always knew but he never looked at me the same again.”

Aaron felt sick. He couldn’t imagine how hard that was for him.

“We drifted apart. He wanted me to work with him on the boats but I didn’t want to spend all my time with him when he couldn’t except me for me.”

“Did he ever understand?”

“No. I had a brother Andy, he was the apple of my dads eye and he never let me forget it. He took Andy under his wing like he was trying to prove that he could always achieve more then me.”

“You have a great career helping people. You’ve achieved a lot Robert.”

“He said it was a woman’s job. That men shouldn’t be sitting there all day, they should be doing manual labour, out on the boats doing hard graft.”

“Well he sounds like an arsehole.” Aaron sighed. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s alright. It’s true.”

Robert took a sip of his tea. “Since Andy died he’s never been the same.”

Aaron’s eyes widened “your brother died?”

“Yeah. Out at sea.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me and him had some good times. We also had some really bad times but I still miss him like crazy. He was my brother.”

Aaron got up and set in the chair next to him. “I’m here Robert, anytime you need someone.”

He looked at Aaron with large sad eyes. “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

“Like what?”

“Your just…so…”

Aaron smiled. “What?”

“I haven’t felt this happy in so long, when I’m with you I get this feeling that makes me never want to leave you.” Robert cringed to himself at how soppy it sounded.

Aaron’s heart was beating out of his chest as he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Well you make me feel the same way.” 

Robert didn’t think twice and just moved suddenly towards Aaron and pressed his lips against his. he held them there for a few seconds before pulling back and standing up quickly. “Aaron…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” He gripped onto the kitchen work top with a vice grip as his hands were shaking. 

Aaron got up and moved towards him. “It’s okay.”

Tears ran down Roberts face. He couldn’t think straight, he felt dizzy, like the light around him was fading. He suddenly fell with Aaron half catching him.

 

Aaron had seen Adam faint a few times so he wasn’t overly panicking. He held Roberts hand and felt his heart beat slowly go back to normal as Robert woke up.

“Hey. Your okay, don’t worry. You fainted.”

Robert blinked a few times as he looked up at Aaron who was sitting on the floor next to him. 

“Sorry.” Robert said with a croaky voice. 

“It’s alright. Come on, let’s get you to the sofa. I’ll get you some water.”

Robert took Aaron’s hands as he help get him up. 

"Okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Robert walked into the living room as Aaron poured him a glass of water. 

 

Aaron placed the water down in front of him.

“I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry for…kissing you.”

Aaron smiled. “Why you sorry?.”

“Because I shouldn’t have.”

“Why not.” Aaron gave him a smile.

“Because you probably didn’t want me to.”

Aaron moved and sat close to him. “Robert, I did want you to. I do.”

He took Roberts hand and stroked his thumb across his knuckles. “I like you Robert, a lot.”

Robert smiled widely and took a deep breath in. “Really?”

Aaron laughed “yeah. Really.”

He slowly raised his hand and placed it on Aaron’s cheek. “Can I kiss you again?”

Aaron was lost in the feel of Robert touching him as he slowly nodded. “Yes.”

Both men felt like their hearts were about to explode out of their chests and they moved together. Robert pulled Aaron into the kiss as he completely melted into it. After a minute or so Robert pulled away. Their smiles filled their faces as Robert lowered his lands. 

“I don’t want to rush this.” Robert said with such honesty. 

Aaron nodded. “Me either.”

Robert moved and kissed Aaron again quickly as he ran his hand down his forearm and held his hand. “Do you wanna stay here tonight?”

“Is that what you call not rushing things?” Aaron smirked. 

Robert laughed. “I mean to just sleep. You don’t have to but, it’s late and..well, I don’t want you to leave.” 

Aaron felt a rush of happiness at Roberts words. “I’d love to stay.”

 

The next morning Robert woke up in confusion as his head was buried in a sea of black hair. He moved his face slightly and felt his whole body move against the shape of someone else’s. that’s when he smiled. His arm that was wrapped around Aaron squeezed tighter as he pulled Aaron even closer to him. 

 

Aaron woke up as he heard Robert yarn. “Hey.” 

Robert pressed his lips to Aaron’s cotton covered shoulder. “Hey.”

“So, you gunna make me a cuppa or what?” Aaron smiled. 

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Course I will.” 

Aaron moved his legs round and sat up on the sofa. The night before they’d watched a film and both decided staying on the sofa was a good idea. They’d snuggled up under a large throw, fitting themselves around each other as they drifted off to sleep.

 

Robert walked into the kitchen with the biggest smile. He could still feel Aaron’s body pressed against his, the smell of his hair, the feel of his lips on his skin, it was euphoric. He put the kettle on and looked out of the window at the bright morning. The sun was shining as it beamed into the window causing a streak of light that felt hot on Roberts skin. 

“I have to go soon. Told Adam I’d meet him.” Aaron’s said from the hall way. 

Robert turned around. “Have you got time for a cuppa?”

“Yeah. I have to leave in about half an hour. Is that alright?”

“Course it’s alright.”

“I just mean…you know, I don’t want to seem like I’m just leaving.”

Robert walked over and held Aaron around his waist like it was the most natural thing in the world to him. Aaron closed his eyes at the feel of Roberts warm hands on him and he leaned into Robert, looking at him.

“Just let me know it won’t be too long before I see you again.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

 

Aaron woke up Sunday morning and instantly picked up his phone. He’d wanted to text Robert good night the night before but he chickened out in the end.

It was 8:30am and he wondered if that was too early to text Robert. He wanted to see if he they could meet up and hang out. Robert was all he’d thought off since he left him the morning before. 

He decided to have a shower first, then he’d text him. 

 

As he walked back to his bedroom with just a towel around his waist, he pressed the home button on his phone to see a message from Robert. His stomach filled with butterflies as he picked his phone up. 

R: morning : ) do you still want to meet up today? X 

Aaron felt like running around the room like an excited child. 

A: morning. Yes I do. What do you want to do? X

R: it’s up to you. X. 

A: how about I come to yours and we’ll figure it out. X. 

R: okay. I’m not out of bed yet. Give me an hour. X. 

A: see you in an hour. X.

R: : ) x

Aaron smiled, put his phone down and got dressed.

 

They’d decided to go for a walk along the beach and get some pub food from one of the restaurants along the sea front. It was easy and relaxing as they both just wanted to grab each other as if no one else was watching, to kiss and be close but neither of them was sure the other wanted to.  
They sat on the stones as the sea slowly washed in and out. 

“Have you told Adam about me?”

Aaron nudged Roberts shoulder. “No…well not since you met him. He knows I like you.”

“You told him you liked me?”

“No, he just knew.”

Robert smiled. “It’s nice that you’ve got someone like Adam.” Robert thought about it “well I suppose most people have friends.” 

Aaron frowned. “Not everyone has a best mate. I’m just lucky with Adam.”

“Yeah, he seems like a good guy.”

“He is. We should all hang out again.”

Robert rested his head on Aaron’s shoulder. “Yeah we should.” 

Aaron leant again him as they both feel into silence, looking out into the ocean. 

Roberts phone ring out. He pulled it from his coat pocket. “Shit!”

Aaron looked over. It read ‘summerfield care home’ 

Robert bowed his head. “I’m sorry. I have to answer it.”

“Yeah, course.”

 

“Hello.”

“Mr Sugden?”

“Yes that’s me.”

“This is Lisa from summerfield care Home. I’m calling about your father.”

“What’s he done now?”

“He’s been taken to hospital I’m afraid.”

Robert felt shock run though him. “Is he okay?”

“He’s got a very bad chest infection.”

Robert remembered they warned him about people in his situation getting chest infections and how dangerous they can be. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He hung up and looked at Aaron. “It’s my Dad. He’s unwell.” Robert looked out at the sea and then back at Aaron. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

Aaron held onto Roberts hand. Robert was obviously very worried and Aaron just wanted to help. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No that’s okay.” Robert stood up. “I’m really sorry I’m doing this again.” Roberts emotions were getting the better of him as he felt a lump in his throat. 

“I’ll just stay in the car as you go in to see him. Robert I want to come with you.” He Squeezed his hand. “I’m here Robert. Let me.” 

Robert knew he would feel a lot better if he wasn’t on his own. “If you don’t mind.”

“No of course not, I want to come with you.”

Robert smiled sadly, leant down and kissed Aaron’s lips softly. “Thank you.”


	5. Pain

Robert stepped inside the main hospital doors, walking towards the reception desk to ask where he could find his Dad.  
They’d told him were to go and he tried to keep calm, his hands were sweating as his chest was filled with anxiety about what state his Dad would be in. He was scared. 

He’d spoken to a couple of people and eventually found the right room. He stepped into the ward and smiled lightly when he saw Jack. He had a face mask on to help him breath and they’d giving him antibiotics to help fight the infection. He wasn’t really able to talk but If Robert was honest he didn’t mine that fact.

Robert sat there for a few minutes before he got up to try and find someone who knew what was exactly was going on. As he did so his dad started coughing violently. 

Robert ran over to him. “Dad!”

Robert looked over to the nurses at the other side of the ward. “Help!”

They hurried over as they tried to sort him out. As four nurses crowed around him the machines started beeping as they all went into panic mode. Laying him flat on his back and doing chest compressions. Robert felt his whole world crumble, he couldn’t lose him, he wasn’t ready to lose him. 

“Please help him!” Robert said as two doctors ran over and joined in as they worked as a team to try and help him. 

Robert just stood there, he wanted to just bolt out the room and never look back. He didn’t want to watch his dad die, he couldn’t stand there while someone told him that his dad was gone. It was all happening so quickly, the floor beneath him felt like jelly as he stumbled into the nearest wall. His hands were sweating, his chest was getting tighter with every breath, he needed to go, needed to get out of the situation.  
So he did. He walked out of there as quick as he could until he found himself at the entrance of the hospital. He looked around, eyes failing him as he blinked a few times to get a better view through the tears. Taking some deep breaths he walked back to his car. He wanted to leave.

 

Aaron spotted him walking back and could see the state he was in. He jumped out and walked towards him. 

“Robert?” 

Robert could see Aaron but couldn’t hear him properly. He looked at him like he could see right though him. 

“Robert…Robert!” Aaron held onto his arms. “Let’s get you sat in the car.” He guided him to the passenger seat and kneeled down on the ground next to the car. “Robert talk to me.” 

Robert held his chest. “His heart stopped!” Roberts began to cry and Aaron felt like he’s been punched in the chest. He held Roberts hands “I’m so sorry.” He pulled Robert head into his chest his body shook and trembled as he cried.

“I can’t be there, I don’t want them to tell me he’s dead.” He mumbled into Aaron’s chest.

Aaron wanted to ask the question of if he actually was dead but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words as he knew it could only upset Robert more. 

“I want to leave.”

Aaron frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Please Aaron.”

He ran his hand over the back of Roberts head “yeah of course. I’ll drive you home.”

 

Once at home, Robert just sat there on the sofa, staring out the window. Aaron wanted to to talk to him, comfort him but he’d never seen Robert so still and quiet, he wasn’t sure how he could help him.

He sat on the other end of the sofa to Robert. He almost kept saying something but then backing out of it as he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. 

Suddenly Robert stood up and walked to the front door.

“Where you going?"

He didn’t answer, just opened the door and left. Aaron was in shock, he didn’t know if he should follow him or not. He saw Robert out of the window, walking out of the drive and down the path. 

Aaron looked around as he was sat in Roberts house, alone, not knowing what to do. He didn’t want to leave but he didn’t know if it was okay to just stay.  
He decided he needed to know that Robert was okay, hoping he’d come back soon as he sat there feeling a little overwhelmed.

 

An hour had passed and Roberts Home phone had rung a few times. He knew it was probably the hospital but he wasn’t going to answer any of them, it wasn’t his business. 

 

Another half an hour passed and Aaron had to go and see if he could find him. He was worried. 

He walked alone the beach, across the stones and all the way round the sea front. He couldn’t see him anywhere. As he approached the pier he could see someone sitting on the edge. It looked like Robert.  
He ran up there and to the end as he slowly walked closer. 

“Robert.” He said quietly as he didn’t want to make him jump.

Robert turned his head. “I’m sorry.” He said instantly. 

Aaron smiled lightly and sat down next to him. “It’s okay.” 

“I shouldn't have just left like that.”

“It’s fine. What matters is if your okay?”

Robert was silent for a while. He looked out to the sea and sighed. “I just feel like I want to say all this stuff to my dad, like I need to shout at him but also tell him how much I love him. There’s like this space between us but I didn’t want him to die before I could try and mend it.”

Aaron reached across and held onto Roberts hand.

“Maybe it’s just my stupid hope that one day he’d finally accept me for me, but I guess he was never going to change his mind. I’m just not ready to stop trying, I can’t.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Robert leant into Aaron’s side. 

“I should call the hospital.” Robert stood up and walked a few paces to the other side of the pier. He knew what they’d say but he just needed it confirmed.

 

Aaron could see Roberts shoulders shaking as he put the phone back in his pocket. Aaron quickly went over and pulled him into a hug. 

Jack had passed away not long after Robert left the hospital. His heart had stopped and their attempts at reviving him were unsuccessful.

 

 

A few hours later and they were at Roberts. He was trying take his mind off of things so he decided to give Aaron a house tour. 

As they walked into Ronerts room, Aaron's eyes widened.

“Wow, your bed sheets are…umm…”

Robert raised an eyebrow “what?”

Aaron smiled and turned away. “Nothing.”

“Oi, don’t give me that, what were you going to say?”

“Well, they’re very….floral!”

“Yeah, and?”

“No..no, nothing. There great!” Aaron laughed out as Robert smiled. He didn’t mind them really but he liked that he made Robert smile. 

 

They laid there for a while, Robert with his head on Aaron’s chest. It was a comfort that Robert hadn’t felt before. 

The tele was on, some old rerun of something. Robert slowly moved up as Aaron watched his movements. Robert moved slowly towards him and kissed him gently. For Robert It was so relaxing to just kiss someone, feel someone’s warm body close to them. Robert held Aaron’s face as the kiss deepened and become a lot more heated then they had done before. Aaron sunk down into the duvet covers as Robert shifted over him slightly. Aaron could feel Roberts heart rate on his skin, it was thumping along with Aaron’s. They could both tell where this was going and Aaron pushed Roberts chest up slightly. 

“Robert.”

Robert looked down at Aaron’s red lips. “What?”

“Should we slow down?” Aaron said quietly.

“I want you.” Robert said softly. 

Aaron lifted his head and kissed him again. “Are you sure your in the right head space for this?”

Robert smiled sadly. “You don’t want to?”

“No, I do. I want to make sure you want this.” Aaron sighed. “Maybe we should leave it for tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because your upset.”

“Robert moved away and got off the bed. “If you don’t want to then just say. You don’t have to make excuses up!”

Aaron looked confused and sat up. “Excuses? What do you mean?”

Robert just shook his head and looked away. 

“Robert, of course I want you. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you but your dad has just died. I don’t want to take advantage of your feelings.”

Robert swallowed the lump in his throat “take advantage?”

“Yeah.” Aaron nodded slowly. 

“I want this. Yeah I’ve had a shit day but that’s not why I want to spend the night with you. I can’t stop thinking about you. All of you. Yeah I’m upset but that doesn’t means your taking advantage of me.”

 

Aaron shrugged. “I want you to be okay. I don’t want you to think I just want one thing.”

“How could You think I’d that Aaron!.”

Aaron walked over to Robert. “I’m so scared of this going wrong, of losing you. It crazy and you probably think I’m some clingy love sick idiot but I really like you and I haven’t felt like this before, I don’t want to lose you and it scares me.”

Aaron admitted.

Robert just smiled. He smiled so widely and pulled Aaron into him, kissing him and wrapping his arms so tightly around his waist so there wasn’t an inch between them.

Aaron melted into his arms. 

Robert pulled away from the kiss and Aaron dipped his head and placed a small kiss to Robert’s neck, his eyes closed at the sensation and let out a small moan that Aaron couldn’t help but smile at.

Aaron backed Robert up until his knees hit the bed and sat down.  
He opened his legs and pulled Aaron toward him as he ran his hands up the back of his t-shirt. The warmth of his skin made Robert feel hot all over and Aaron slowly pushed him backward as he laid in between Roberts legs. They were both smiling as they shifted up the bed and got comfortable.  
Robert pulled Aaron’s top up and over his head as he looked down at Aaron chest and smiled. 

“What?” Aaron said with a smirk. 

Robert felt a little embarrassed. It was a long time since he’d been with a man and he had forgotten how much he loved it. 

“Nothing.”

Aaron laughed and pulled Robert up slightly to take his top off as well.

The first thing Aaron noticed was the freckles, so many freckles. It was like a constellation of stars and Aaron couldn’t take his eyes off of them.  
Robert noticed but didn’t say anything, he just looked at Aaron’s eyes as he scanned Roberts chest. Aaron looked up with pure lust in his eyes as he leant down and kissed Roberts chest and neck with small slow kisses. 

Roberts hands found Aaron’s hair as he closed his eyes at the feeling. It was so indulgent, the way Aaron’s warm body lowered into his. He could feel himself getting hard and it hadn’t gone unnoticed from Aaron either. 

As Aaron kissed his way up to Roberts jaw he sat up and ran his hands down Roberts stomach and held onto Roberts belt.

“Can I?” He asked with a shaky voice.

Robert nodded. “Yeah.” His body felt like it had electric currents running through it. The feeling of Aaron undoing his belt and jeans, as he pulled his jeans down and off was enough to make Robert lose himself before they’d even started. 

Aaron got off the bed and took his own jeans off. Robert watched intently as Aaron’s tight black boxers came into view and the outline of his erection making Robert's body fill with heat.

Aaron got back on the bed and rested once again between Roberts legs.

 

 

It was 3am when Robert woke up in a sweat. His back and forehead was wet as he looked over to see Aaron fast asleep beside him. His face was soft and relaxed, he looked beautiful Robert thought but as he sat up his chest was aching as his breath was catching in his lungs. He got out of bed as quietly as he could, grabbing his boxers and heading downstairs. 

He downed a glass of water as his head throbbed in his hands. He slid down and sat on the kitchen floor and tried to calm his thoughts.  
It was filled with images of his Dad and Andy, images that had haunted him for years. He knew it was part of the reason his Dad hated him, why he never forgave him. All he could see was the rough sea and his Dad’s face, the anger and hurt that Robert would never be able to wipe from his memories.  
He began to cry into his arms as his body shook. 

This was common for Robert. He’d often wake up with the scene playing over and over in head as he tried to stop the thoughts. There was a way he stopped them, he had to make himself feel someone else, another kind of pain to make this one go away. 

He stood up, walking to the front door and quietly opening it. He wasn’t thinking about Aaron at this point he was just try to make the images go away.  
Just in his boxers he stepped outside into the freezing November weather.  
The fist thing he felt was the souls of his feet on the cold concrete path, he sighed with a little relief as the pain filled his mind. 

He walked out into the pitch dark onto the sea front where he shivered and shook as he breathed in the icy air. As he walked onto beach he sat down on the cold sand, laying flat as his skin winced at the harsh temperature. 

But it was doing what Robert wanted. It was making him concentrate on how painful it was to be so incredibly cold that he wasn’t for one second seeing the images of his Dad and bother anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> More coming soon.


	6. I'm fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Ok so I'm never going to say "another chapter coming soon" ever again! Life gets in the way and blah! So here's another chapter. Enjoy and tell me what you think. Ty:)

Aaron woke up slowly as his head sunk into the soft white pillow. As he opened his eyes he could see out the window and straight out to sea. It was such a relaxing sight to him and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face as the thoughts of last night seeped into his head. 

He stretched out and rolled over, his smile dropped as the space next to him was empty. He sat up and looked around, getting out of bed and looking down the hall way.

He put his boxers and t-shirt on and made his way down stairs quickly. He didn’t want to panic, this was Roberts house after all, he was probably just making himself breakfast, he wasn’t just going to do a runner without telling him.   
He looked in the living room and kitchen but couldn’t see any sign of him. He looked out the window to see if Roberts car was still there. It was, and Aaron sat down on the sofa, looking around wondering what he should do. He felt uneasy for some reason, like he shouldn’t just being sitting there all alone.

It had been 20 minutes and Aaron had pulled the throw from the sofa around him and got even more anxious.

He got off the sofa and was half way up the stairs when the front door opened. 

“Your up?” Robert said with a smile. 

Aaron’s shoulders relaxed. “Yeah.”

Robert held up a bag “got some breakfast. You hungry?”

Aaron walked back down the stairs, walking up to Robert and kissing his cheek. “Could eat a horse.” He smirked, trying to hide how worried he actually was.

Robert felt that excited feeling again as he watched Aaron walk to the kitchen. 

 

As they sat eating some beagles Aaron kept looking up at Robert. 

“What?” Robert asked. 

“Thought you’d done a runner on me.”

Robert frowned. “What a left you in my house!”

Aaron laughed. “Yeah.”

“Well I didn’t.”

Robert moved his leg under the table as it rested against Aaron’s. “When do you have to be at work?”

Aaron looked at the clock. “In about 20 minutes.”

“What you doing after work?”

Aaron thought about it. “Meeting Adam, kayaking. Maybe i could come over again tonight?” Aaron cringed at himself for sounding rude. 

Robert smiled, but it was for show. He didn’t want Aaron to stay over again so soon. Last night was a bad one, it was dangerous and Aaron could have woken up, realised he was missing. Robert needed to try and sort his head out before Aaron stayed over again. 

“I’ve got to work late tonight. Maybe tomorrow?”

Aaron wanted to say he could just spend the night with him but he didn’t want to seem to pushy. “Sure. Yeah, sounds good.” He looked down at his food as he felt a pang of worry hit him. “Robert, how are you feeling?”

Robert knew what he meant. Neither of them had brought up the fact that his Dad had just died. 

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Robert smiled. “Yeah. Obviously I wish I had more time with him but I can’t change things now.”

Aaron could tell Robert didn’t want to talk anymore about it. 

Aaron finished his breakfast and stood up. “Better go get dressed.” 

“Come here.” Robert grabbed Aaron in by his hands, let them go and wrapped his arms around Aaron’s whole body. “Thank you for last night. It was amazing.”

Aaron smiled into Robert shoulder. “Your welcome. I am pretty skilled in that department!”

Robert laughed. “You could teach me a thing or two!”

Aaron pulled away and pinched his arm playfully. “I’ll look forward to it.”

 

As soon as Aaron left, Robert started to feel sick. His forehead was sweating and he felt dizzy. He sat down on the stairs and tried to calm his breathing. His head was filled with images of Andy. He shook his head to try to make them disappear as he got up and walked up the stairs.

 

Roberts day had been awful, he’d been feeling panicky all day but doing his best to hide it in front of his patients. The amount of coffee didn’t help him but he was also exhausted from spending half the night outside in the freezing cold. He could still feel the cold, how it settled into his bones. 

 

As the last patient left, Robert sighed in relief. He needed to get home. Home was Robert’s safe place and when he was this on edge it was the best place to be.

 

“Why do you keep checking your phone. You’ll hear it if it goes off!” Adam smiled. 

Aaron shook his head. “Yeah I know, it’s just I don’t know if I should text him?”

“Well if you want to then, go ahead.”

“But what if he doesn’t want me to?”

Adam frowned. “And why wouldn’t he. You slept together last night.”

“Yeah and maybe he’s decided he doesn’t want anything to do with me!”

“Aaron your being ridiculous now!”

Aaron took a deep breath in and unlocked his phone.

A: hey. How was your day?

 

Robert had just got home when he got the text and for some reason it made him even more anxious. He wanted to tell Aaron to come over and spend the night but he just couldn’t, his brain wouldn’t physically let him. 

He put the phone on the side and went upstairs to have a shower. 

 

Aaron waited for an hour before he gave up checking his phone.

He was staying at Adams as Adam had decided he needed someone to help him complete a level on his video game he was obsessed with.

They both sat on the sofa in front of the tele concentrating on killing all the zombies, well Adam was, Aaron couldn’t focus his eyes properly as all he was thinking about was Robert. 

“Get him!” Adam shouted as he point to the TV. “QUICK!”

The game ended and they still hadn’t got past the level. 

“What’s up with you mate, you’re normally way better at this?”

“Sorry.” Aaron sighed. 

Adam paused the game. “Mate if your that worried then ring him.”

“I’m not worried I’m just wondering why he isn’t texting me back.”

“Maybe his phone died, maybe he’s had an early night.”

Aaron nodded. 

“Mate, why don’t we go down the pub?”

Aaron slouched back into the cushions. “Nah I’m not in the mood.”

“Come on. Please. It’s been a while since we went out.”

Aaron thought about it for a minute as he looked at Adams pleading eyes. “Fine. Just one pint.”

Adam smiled. “yes mate.”

 

“Another 2 pints please” Adam waved at the bartender as the pub was crammed. 

“This place is a lot more popular then it used to be.” Aaron said as he scanned the room for some possible spare seats. 

 

 

Robert was in bed. The sheets still smelling of Aaron as he sank his face into the pillow he’d used. Aaron naturally slept on the side that Robert sleeps on but he didn’t want to tell Aaron that, he liked that Aaron had slept on his side. 

He turned over and grabbed his phone. He’d felt bad for not texting Aaron back but he wasn’t in the right head space at the time. He’d had a shower and calmed himself down, putting on some comfy clothes and slipping into bed. As he read the text again he couldn’t not reply. 

R: sorry for the late reply x. My day was good. How was yours?

Robert had lied again. His day was shit, but he didn’t want to tell Aaron that. 

 

Aaron was downing his 3rd pint when his phone buzzed.

He instantly smiled widely as he saw the message. 

“Someone’s happy!”

Aaron looked up at Adam. “He text back!.”

“Thank god for that!” Adam said sarcastically. “Another?”

Aaron nodded. “Go on then.”

 

A: boring as usual. I’m at the pub with Adam. What you up to? Come join us if you want?”

 

The message made Robert smile. He sat up in his bed and looked around his room. “Should I?” He asked himself. 

R: where are you?

A: the Red Foxes. Are you coming?

R: be there in 10. x. 

Aaron felt giddy. His night had got a lot better then thought it would.

 

Robert needed this. He needed to just chill out and get some alcohol in him. 

 

He arrived at the pub, spotted Aaron and Adam and made his way to the far end of the pub to sit with them. 

“Hey.” Robert smiled as he sat down next to Aaron. “Alright” he said to Adam. 

“Yes mate, great. What you having?”

“Just a pint will be good. Thanks.”

“Pint it is.” Adam got up and went to the bar.

 

Robert moved his leg so it was resting next to Aaron’s. “Hey.” He said again as Aaron faced him. 

“Hey. I’m glad you came.”

“Thanks for inviting me. You sure Adam doesn’t mind me joining.”

“No of course not. He wanted to meet up you again.”

Robert looked at Adam at the bar then back at Aaron. “Have you told him about us?”

Aaron looked a little worried. 

“It’s fine if you have, I was just wondering.”

“Yeah I have. He’s kinda the only person I have to talk to so, I kinda tell him everything.”

“Everything.” Robert raised his eyebrows.

Aaron smirked. “Yep. Every last detail.” He joked. 

They both laughed as Adam returned with Robert drink. 

“Thanks.”

“Your welcome. So how many sick people have to treated today?”

“A lot. Mostly colds, it’s that season.”

“Do you ever get anything really disgusting?.”

“Adam!” Aaron barked. 

“What, just asking.”

“I’m not allowed to say. Sorry” Robert smiled. “But yes we do get some pretty shocking stuff sometimes.”

“Oww spill!” 

“Adam!” Aaron shook his head.

Adam put his hands up “alright. Sorry.”

Robert laughed.

 

It was an hour later and the pub was getting empty. They’d all drunk a lot more then they should’ve. 

“I’m gonna call a taxi.” Adam said as he walked off. 

Robert and Aaron had gradually got closer and closer to each other throughout the evening. Legs and Arms pressed together as they kept leaning in closer then necessary to talk to each other.

“So you going back with Adam?”

“err yeah, I guess.”

Robert bit his lip. “You can walk back to mine if you like, stay over?”

Robert was feeling a lot more relaxed and didn’t listen the part of his brain that told him it wasn’t a good idea.

Aaron tried to hide how happy he was. “Beats sleeping with Adam.” Aaron’s eyes widened and so did Robert’s. “errr..I meant sleeping at Adams!” They both laughed as Adam walked up to them. 

“There’s a cab already outside.”

“I’m gunna stay at Roberts.”

Adam smiled. “Alright. See you tomorrow then. Nice to meet you again Robert.”

“You too.” Robert smiled. 

Adam walked off and Aaron and Robert felt like giddy school kids.

 

They stumbled into Roberts, kicked their shoes off and just made it to the sofa before they fell down onto it. Their lips crashing together as hands found their way inside clothes, desperately trying to remove them.

If didn’t take long for them to get naked, sweaty and feeling dizzy with lust. 

“We need stuff.” Aaron said as Robert was kissing his neck with his hands wrapped around Aaron’s hot dick. “Fuck.” He hissed out as Roberts hand sped up. 

Robert kissed all the way down Aaron’s body until his lips pressed against the top of his thigh.

Aaron was a mess. Hands tangled in the sofa as his hips bucked up into Robert.

Suddenly Robert moved away with a grin. “Come on.” He got off the sofa and walked to the stairs. “You coming?” He shouted as be ran up the stairs. 

Aaron felt euphoric as he made his way off the sofa.

 

Aaron had his hands on Robert’s chest as he frantically thrusted into him. The noises Robert was making sent sparks through Aaron’s whole body. He changed angles slightly as he gripped Roberts thighs and his pace got even faster as Roberts whole body began to shake. “Ar…I’m gunna…Aaron…” Robert’s mouth was wide open as he looked at Aaron with glazed over eyes. Aaron took hold of Robert’s throbbing length and worked is in time with his thrusts. He could feel Robert’s body tighten around him as he came all over Aaron’s hand and onto his own stomach.  
Aaron continued pushing into him as he groaned out deeply as his orgasm suddenly hit him. His whole body felt like it was on fire as he slowly pulled out, leant down and kissed Roberts lips with so much passion that Robert couldn’t help but let out a whimper as Aaron pulled away and fell into the space next to him.  
They both still felt a little drunk as their chests heaved in unison and they tried to come down from the high.

“Fuck!” Robert breathed. 

Aaron was in total bliss, his body felt amazing as he looked at the ceiling. “That felt so good.”

Robert laughed. “I’m a mess.” He looked down at himself.”

Aaron smiled. “Yes you are. Maybe we should wash it off together.”

Robert couldn’t think of anything better. He got off the bed. “Come on then.” 

Aaron jumped off the bed and smiled as he pushed Robert into the bathroom.

 

Robert had been worried that having Aaron stay over again would be dangerous, but As he watched Aaron sleep he felt so calm. His body was buzzing with a warm hot sensation as he drifted off to sleep silently.

 

Aaron’s alarm was going off at 7am, waking both men as they lay in each other’s arms peacefully. 

His phone was in his jeans pocket that was laying downstairs where they’d been discarded the night before. 

Aaron groaned as he pulled himself from Robert “sorry. That’s my alarm.” He said quietly as he got out of bed. 

“I’ll put the kettle on.” Robert said in a husky voice as he stepped out of bed, found a pair of clean boxes and pulled them on. 

Aaron followed Robert downstairs as he found his phone, turned the loud alarm off and slipped on his underwear. “Forgot to turn it off.” He said through half closed eyes as he joined Robert in the kitchen. 

“Yeah well we were a little preoccupied last night” Robert smiled at the memories. 

Aaron walked up to Robert, resting his face into his warm neck as he sighed with feel of Robert bare body against his own.

 

They’d had breakfast and shared another long shower before Aaron had to leave.   
Aaron was about to walk out the door when Robert got a phone call from the undertakers. 

 

Aaron didn’t want to leave before the call had ended so he lingered by the door.

As Robert hung up Aaron could see the fear on his face. 

“I can go see him.” Robert said with a numb expression. 

“Are you going to?” 

“I don’t know.” Robert eyes shot to Aaron. He felt uneasy as he steadied himself with the wall. 

Aaron shut the door and stepped closer to Robert. “I can come with you if you want?”

“I…umm..” Robert held his chest as he couldn’t breath properly. “I don’t know.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He felt dizzy. “I just need to sit down.”

Aaron rushed over and took hold of his arm. “Come here. Let’s go sit on the sofa.”

Aaron guided him into the living room and sat down next to him. “Do you want some water?”

“No I’m fine. I’m fine.” Robert kept blinking as the room felt like it was spinning. 

“You can go. I’m fine.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You have to go to work.”

“Work can wait.”

Robert felt embarrassed. “I just get panicky sometimes.”

“We all do. It’s okay.”

His breathing got worse.

“Robert.” Aaron said concerned. 

“There’s….some tablets in the cabinet in the bathroom upstairs….blue box. Can you get them.”

Robert was sweating as he gave Aaron a half smile. All he could think about was his dad and it made his body feel clammy as he shivered with cold.

“Yeah.” Aaron felt a little terrified. He’d himself had panic attacks before nothing like this. This was different.”

 

He grabbed the blue box and headed back down to Robert. 

“Here, I’ll get you some water.”

As Aaron came back with the water and Robert looked even worse. “Thanks.” He said with a shaky voice. 

He took the water and swallowed down two tablets. 

“I’ll be fine.” He laid back into the sofa. “When they kick in.”

“What are they?”

“Just….they help me.”

Robert closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. “You go to work.” Robert said desperately. 

Aaron stood up, got his phone out and called a number.

“What you doing? Robert asked. 

Aaron didn’t answer, he just walked into the hall as Robert heard him saying he couldn’t make it, that he was ill.

Robert shook his head a Aaron hung up. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

Aaron sat opposite him on the coffee table. “I’m staying here with you. End of.”


	7. Tell me

Aaron picked up the packet of tablets. “What are they?” He asked again out of interest. 

“Just leave it. They calm me, that’s all.”

“Did you get them from work?”

Robert closed his eyes slowly. “I didn’t self prescribe Aaron!”

“I’m not saying you did. I’m just asking.”

Robert breathing has almost got back to normal but the anxiety in his chest and the dizziness in his head was still there. “Why you having a go at me?”

Aaron smiled “in not, I’m just worried about you. Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?”

Robert nodded. “I’m all good. I just…need to close my eyes for a bit.”

Robert laid down on the sofa. Aaron just looked at him as he made himself comfy. 

“Do you want me to get your duvet?”

“No.” 

Aaron stood up. He felt a little awkward. “Do you need anything?”

Robert just shook his head lightly as his eyes were closed and his breathing became more regular. 

 

It’d been half an hour and Aaron had been sitting on the other end of the sofa. He’d picked the tablet packet up and examined it but he didn’t know what he was looking at. They obviously did the trick but he wasn’t sure how strong they were or how long he’d be out. 

“Aaron?” 

Aaron got to his feet and over to Robert. “Hey. I’m here.”

Aaron could see Robert was still asleep. 

“It wasn’t my fault. I promise I didn’t mean to.”

Robert was talking in his sleep. 

“Dad please.”

Aaron’s heart sank. He laid a hand onto Roberts chest. “Robert. Robert wake up.”

Roberts eyes suddenly opened as he sat bolt up on the sofa.

“Hey, it’s okay. Robert.” He ran his hand through the back of Robert hair. 

“Aaron?” He looked at Aaron and sighed.

“You okay?”

Robert looked around the room. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not sure, half an hour. Do you feel any better?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Good.”

Robert spin his legs round and stood up.

“What you doing?” Aaron’s asked. 

“Need the loo.” He walked out of the room as Aaron followed. “I can wee on my own!”

“Yeah.” Aaron said a little embarrassed.

 

 

Aaron had been out and got them some lunch. As they sat at the kitchen table there was an obvious elephant in the room. 

“I got them off the internet!” Robert said quickly. “The tablets. It’s fine.”

“Of the internet! That sounds well dodgy!”

“No it’s fine.”

“You’re a bloody GP, why don’t you just get a prescription.”

“I don’t want people at work knowing.”

Aaron shook his head. “Well your not taking anymore.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“I’m not, it’s just dangerous.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“No you think you do.”

“Oh and you know all about it do you. You know all the different drugs and what they do, you’ve got no idea.”

Aaron looked down at his food. “I just don’t want you to take too much and get hurt.” He said calmly.

Robert stood up, leaving the table and walked into the garden. He took in a deep breath of the sea air and sat down on the cold grass. 

Aaron got up and followed him. “What are you doing. It’s freezing out here!”

Robert laid down and looked up to the sky. 

“Robert!”

“Come lay with me.”

“What, no it’s bloody cold.”

Robert didn’t move. He didn’t speak, just looked at the grey sky. “I feel calm out here, the cold, it calms me.”

Aaron didn’t know if the drugs were effecting him. “Are you high?”

Robert laughed. “My dad’s dead! He’s fucking dead and you know what, I’m glad!”

“You don’t meant that.”

“He blamed me all my life. All my fucking like for what happened to Andy and now I’m free of it all, free from him and his shitty, messed up love that he apparently had for me. He didn’t love me, he hated me for what happened.”

Aaron wasn’t sure what he was on about. He sat down next to him and shivered as the cold glass felt like ice. 

“You don’t know anything about me. Nothing.” Robert said softly. 

Aaron nodded. “I know some and I want to know more.”

“Your too nice, to normal for me.”

“Too normal! Are you serious! That just proves how much you don’t know me then.”

“Oh yeah because you’re really messed up aren’t you.” Robert snapped sarcastically. 

“You haven’t got a clue mate!” 

“No I don’t.” Robert said quietly “and you don’t know me, and you wouldn’t want to.”

“Maybe I would. All this with your dad, I’ll understand.”

Robert huffed out a breath “no you wouldn’t.”

Aaron sighed and laid down. “Well why don’t you tell me, talk to me about what your going through and maybe I’ll be able to help!”

“No.” Robert sat up. “I Can’t.” Robert got up. “I just can’t.”

Aaron stood up. “Robert this is clearly a very sensitive issue for you and I can understand obviously, but this is not just making you sad, your not just grieving your having panic attacks and taking weird pills from the internet.”

“There not weird, I know what they are and they help.”

“Help what? To knock you out so you don’t have to think about it.”

Robert felt defensive. “You don’t fucking know!”

“WELL TELL ME THEN!”

They just stared at each other for a few seconds before Aaron walked back into the house. 

Robert felt himself fill with regret. He ran after Aaron. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”

Aaron stopped by the stairs. He turned round and looked at Robert and then walked up to him, taking his hand. “I really like you Robert. I don’t want this end before it’s even begun.”

“Me either.” Robert said desperately.

“Then you have to let me in.”

“I’m not coping with my Dad’s death, that’s all it is.”

“Are you sure?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah.” He didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want Aaron to know the truth.

“So what’s all this about your Dad blaming you?”

Robert shook his head. “It’s…just….nothing.”

Aaron sighed and sat down on the stairs. “Robert, please. I know this is your business but you have to let me know what’s going on with you.”

Robert wanted to run away, he wanted to just make everything stop, but if he did that then he would definitely lose Aaron. 

Robert nodded his head as he knew he had to tell Aaron the truth. He took his hand and lead him up the stairs. 

 

Robert sat down on the bed. “Come sit with me.”

Aaron felt a little cautious. “Why?”

“Because I need to tell you something and I need you to listen to all of it before you run away.”

Aaron frowned slightly. “Why would I run away?”

Robert didn’t reply, he just bowed his head as he nervously played with his hands. 

Aaron sat down beside him as they both sat with their backs to the headboard. 

Robert turned to Aaron and leaned in, kissing his lips softy as he sighed at the feeling. His heart was racing with fear as he sat back and took a deep breath. 

“When I was seven and my brother Andy was nine we were on a fishing trip with my Dad. He didn’t want to take both of us as he said it was always too much hassle when we played up but he didn’t have a choice. He spent most of the time shouting at us for not doing the right thing or not doing it properly.  
It was late, dark and me and Andy both wanted to sleep in the top bunk. We’d been fighting about it all evening and my Dad was on his last nerve. When he finally snapped, he told us to get out of his sight. We’d never seen him so angry.”

Robert shifted on the bed as Aaron moved closer. 

“We went out onto the deck. We shouldn’t have been out there when it was so stormy, but we did what our dad said and got out of his sight.   
We were messing around, chucking things at each other and running up and down the boat.”

Robert let a deep breath out. 

“It happened so fast, I didn’t even see him go over the side.”

Robert began to cry as his covered his face with his hands. 

“Is that how he died?” Aaron ask nervously.

Robert nodded as he leaned into Aaron and sobbed. 

All Aaron could was comfort him. He could see how much the pain of losing his brother was effecting him. He needed Robert to carry on, to tell him what happened. 

“Robert.”

Robert raised his head and looked at Aaron. 

“Keep going. Tell me what happened.” He kissed Robert’s cheek and smiled at him. 

Robert composed himself as he wiped his tears away. “I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t see him anywhere so I shouted and shouted for my Dad. It was so dark and the waves were crashing over the side of the boat, I couldn’t find him. My Dad stormed out, yelling at me for making so much noise and then he saw how scared I looked, and when he couldn’t see Andy he just lost it.   
The fear in his voice as he shouted for him, I can still hear it now, I hear it all the time.

Aaron just remained still as he was trying to process what he was hearing. “So you never found him?”

“No. It was all my fault and my Dad never let me forget it.” He looked at Aaron. “I promise Aaron I didn’t mean to do it. He was my brother and I let him die.”

“It’s not your fault Robert. It was an accident!”

“No, it was me. If I hadn’t of been winding him up, messing around the whole time then we wouldn’t have even been out on deck.”

“Robert you didn’t push him off the side. You didn’t want him to die and it wasn’t your fault.”

He moved away and got off the bed. “It was my fault. My dad always told be that.”

“Well he was wrong.”

“It was his son Aaron, his flesh and blood!”

“Yeah, and maybe he couldn’t live with the guilt that it was his fault. That he shouldn’t have let his two young sons play out on deck in a storm at night.”

Aaron got off the bed and walked up to Robert. “Listen to me. You need to start to realise that what’s happened wasn’t your fault and until you do that you won’t be able to accept your father dying. He was wrong to pile all the guilt on you. You were his son too.”

“I was never enough.” He said sadly. 

Aaron took hold of Roberts shoulders. “You are good enough. Your amazing and just because he didn’t want you to know that, you need to, you need to realise how amazing you are.”

Robert started to cry again. As tears ran down his face, Aaron wiped them away. “You really think that?” He ask, like he was a little kid that needed to be loved. 

“I’ve only just met you Robert, and I don’t want to lose you.” He held Roberts face in his hands. “It wasn’t your fault, it was an accident. Please believe that.”

 

They had both laid on the bed. It didn’t take long for Roberts eyes to close as he fell into a light sleep.   
Aaron had just watched him, held him as he tried to work out what was going on inside Robert head. How had he held onto this secret, this pain since he was a kid. 

He slowly stroked Robert’s fringe from his forehead as he felt a sigh leave his lungs. He felt a pain, an ache in his chest when he looked at the redness around his eyes, the way his face looked pale and exhausted. He knew he needed to be there for him, help him deal with his issues that were drowning him. 

 

Both men fell into a deep sleep and it soon got dark inside and out. Roberts heart was beating out of his chest as his eyes opened suddenly. He sat up and brushed Aaron’s arms away softly that were against his chest. 

He stood there dead still in the middle of the bedroom as he his heart beat was making his body sway from side to side. He turned his head and looked out the window. There was the most beautiful full moon and it made Robert feel good. He loved everything about the moon and space, it fascinated him. Wondering what was up there, how it all worked, how the stars where so bright and how there could be other people out there somewhere, other species. 

He knew what he wanted to do and once he’d got the idea, he couldn’t not do it. 

He went down stairs and quietly let himself out the front door. The air was sharp with coldness as he walked onto the cold stones and down the beach. 

His head was such a spinning mess that it was almost like he was in a land of nothingness. He wasn’t particularly thinking about anything but the moon and how it seemed to sooth him like if it was the sun beaming down onto his skin. As he found a good spot he sat down on the sand.

 

Aaron shivered as he felt a chill as he opened his eyes slowly. He moved slightly and began to Panic as he couldn’t feel Robert beside him. He got up quickly, rushed down stairs and saw the front door open. “What the hell.” He said to himself as he walked out the door and looked around. 

“Robert?” 

The moon caught his eye as it seemed to light up the darkness around him. He stepped back in and put his shoes on. 

As he walked over the small road and onto the stones he looked out to sea. There he was, just sitting on the pale sand. Aaron didn’t move for a couple of seconds, sock had taken over as he just stared at him. 

He ran over and slowly approached him. “Robert?”

Robert turned his head and looked at Aaron like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

“Aaron.” 

Aaron was about to freak out until he saw Robert smile. “What are you doing out here, it’s freezing!”

“I like it.”

He knew he needed to understand Robert better and this was something he needed to do. Aaron sat down and winced at the cold. 

“You should go back in doors.” Robert said as his eye were fixed on the moon. 

“Do you want me to?” 

Robert didn’t reply. 

“What are you doing out here Robert?”

“It’s nice. It’s…calming.”

“Okay. So you like the cold?”

“No, I like the moon. Don’t you?”

“Yeah Robert I do but I don’t get up in the middle of the night and watch it in the freezing cold.”

Robert looked at Aaron. “Well I do.” It was said in the most honest way and Aaron felt bad for questioning it. “Why?”

“I just do.”

“No tell me exactly why?”

“All the noise in my head, all the things that’s crammed in there that makes me want to scream and cry, they dissolve, disappear when I’m focused on something else. The moon, it makes me think about other things, all the unanswered questions about life and space and other planets. It makes me calm.”

Aaron wanted to just hug him. 

“I know it might be hard to understand and I know I’m not normal but this is how I deal with it. I don’t drink, I don’t takes drugs, well, not hard drugs and I use the cold or the heat to make my mind switch off.”

“The cold or the heat?”

“In the winter if I’m having a nightmare or if I can’t handle it, I’ll go outside, into the sea cold air and make everything go away. The cold, it numbs me, the pain of being cold stops me from thinking about Andy.”

Aaron just nodded. He got it. He was starting to understand. 

“Sometimes I’ll run a scolding hot shower and it has the same effect.”

“Robert, both of them things are really dangerous!”

“I know. But it’s how I cope.”

“Ok, but maybe you need to find another way of coping!”

“Why? This works for me.”

Aaron nodded. “But its it not good for you.”

“What is?”

“Talking to someone, someone who can help you deal with all the feelings your having.”

Robert stood up. “Feelings!” 

Aaron knew he’d said the wrong word. “We all have issues Robert, and yeah yours are in the past and it’s hard to cope but you can, you should help yourself in different ways.”

Robert shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. No one does.” 

He stormed off down the beach. 

“Robert wait.”

Aaron rushed after him.

“Your going to freeze to death.” 

“We maybe that would be a good thing.”

Aaron stopped. “Don’t you ever say that!”

Robert stopped and turned around. “What?”

“Don’t ever wish your life away.” Aaron felt tears in his eyes. 

Robert could see the upset on Aaron’s face. He moved closer towards him. 

“Aaron….”

Tears now ran down Aaron’s face. Robert felt a pain in his chest as he couldn’t bare to see Aaron upset. 

“Aaron, it’s okay. I was just…I just said it. I’m not going to kill myself.”

Aaron wiped his tears away. “You are amazing.”

The words stunned Robert. “What?”

“You’re amazing Robert. And I love you.”

Robert could feel his heart physically beating out of his chest. “Wha….what?”

Aaron ran his hands over his face. 

“I know we haven’t known each other very long and I know you probably think I’m a weirdo but, Robert I really like you, I love you I know I do.”

“Why?” Robert felt numb. 

“What do you mean, why?”

“Why would you?”

Aaron huffed out a laughed. “Why wouldn’t I!”

Aaron walked over and took Roberts hands in his.

“You make me so happy. You’re such a lovely, caring man that’s sexy as hell and I can’t stop thinking about a future with you.” Aaron even shocked himself at how much he was saying.

Robert smiled. He smiled wider then he had in ages.

“You…love…me?” He shuddered out. 

Aaron smiled and bit is lip. “Yep. I love you Robert.”

Robert moved quickly and held onto Aaron’s face, kissing him firmly. Aaron pulled Robert in as he smiled into the embrace.


	8. New home

They walked back to the house. Robert could feel Aaron shaking as he held his hand. 

“Sorry. You must be freezing.”

“Yeah I am, a bit.” He said shyly. “You must be too.”

“I’m used to it.”

Aaron frowned. “Well you shouldn’t be.”

Robert squeezed Aaron’s hand. “I know.”

Things went serious again and Aaron didn’t want it to be this awkward to talk about it. 

“I won’t do it again.” Robert knew himself he was lying. 

“Yes you will. I know you will.” 

Robert wondered how it seemed like Aaron had always knew him. He’d only just let him in and already it seemed like he was inside his head. 

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow.” Aaron suggested as he could see Robert looking uncomfortable. 

“Yeah.” Robert smiled as he took a deep breath in. 

They made their way into the house and settled in the kitchen. 

“Do you want a cuppa?” Robert asked. 

Aaron leant against the work top. “If you’re having one.”

“Okay.” 

Robert put the kettle on. They didn’t even know what time it was, they were just in a little world of their own. 

Aaron smiled softy, moved so his hands and rested them on Roberts waist. “I meant it.” He said as a whisper. 

Robert beamed a smile and Aaron felt him relax. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Aaron leant forward and kissed Robert’s lips. “It’s how I feel and I’m not sure what to do with it.” He looked into Roberts eyes. “I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Me either.” Roberts voice was shaking. “It’s insane.”

Aaron didn’t need Robert to say it back and he knew Robert wasn’t ready to.

Aaron stepped away as the kettle boiled and opened the kitchen draw and cabinet getting a spoon and two mugs. 

“I can do that.” Robert said holding his hands out.

“I can manage.” Aaron said playfully as he poured water into the mugs.

Robert smiled and sat down at the table. “Aaron I know it’s all really complicated and….I know you probably have loads of questions but, I can’t tonight. I just…”

“Robert I’m not going to ask you loads of questions, okay? Obviously I want to know what you’re going through but, it’s about what you’re comfortable with.”

Aaron sat down with their tea’s. 

“Thanks.” Robert held the handle and blew across the top of the mug. 

 

It was midday and Aaron was working at the garage. He had a happy feeling running through him. Even though things with Robert were a little up in the air, he knew he had real feelings for him and he knew that Robert liked him a lot too. He was feeling happy and that made his day go a hell of a lot quicker. 

“Lunch.” Cain said with a deep voice. 

“What?” Aaron gave him a funny look. 

“Go get your lunch.”

“But I’m in the middle of fixing this up.”

“Well it’ll still be here when you get back. Just clear off for an hour.”

“Why?”

“JUST GO!” 

Aaron felt stunned. “Okay. Fine.” He grabbed his jacket and left. 

He didn’t understand what it was about. He couldn’t be bothered to find out. 

 

“It’s a what?”

“It’s a boil on my bum.”

Robert blinked a few times. “Ok sir, well…if you remove your trousers we can have a look.” 

This was part of the job that Robert tried to love. 

The man behind the curtain was undressing as he coughed and spluttered to himself. 

“Should I take my briefs off?”

“Yes please.” 

After the man said he was ready, Robert opened the curtain and almost gasped. It was the biggest boil he’d ever seen. 

 

Aaron was walking back from the sandwich shop. He normally eats-in but there were so many people in there he couldn’t find a space, so he headed to the local park. They had a seating area that he used something’s when he wanted to get away from it all. This meant he had to walk past the garage on his way there. He didn’t want to get caught by his uncle, probably try to drag him back to work early.   
He decided to take the back way. He hopped over the brick wall, jumped down with a thud and walked down the small ally-way.  
As he walked directly past the back of the garage he could hear some noises. He looked around to see where they were coming from and moved toward the small window in the office off of the garage.   
Aaron’s stopped dead in his tracks as he saw a sight that he knew he’d never get out of his head. His uncle with another woman. She was bent of the desk with her skirt up around her waist with Cain trusting into her frantically.

Aaron backed away slowly as his heart sank. He didn’t think Cain would be the guy to cheat but all that was just a swirl of thoughts in his head. He just walked away, walked to the park and sat down. He was in a daze when his mobile pinged. He looked down to see Robert’s name. 

R: hey. Just on my lunch break. Do you want to do something later?

Aaron smiled. Robert was his escape from it all. The shitty home life and the shitty work life. 

A: not sure. Can I let you know later? 

Aaron knew he’d probably be free but he was a little worried about it all kicking off with Cain. He knew Cain didn’t see him but he was thinking about talking to him about it anyway.

R: yeah, no problem. 

Aaron couldn’t think of anything to say back. He felt bad for not texting back but his eyes were fixed on the patch of grass in front of him. The imagine of Cain and that woman was fixed in his vision. 

 

He walked back to the garage. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He kept thinking about having it out with him, asking him how he could do that to his wife but, on the other hand he didn’t know if it was any of his business.   
He took a deep breath and opened the door to the office. Cain was sitting at the desk. 

“Your back late..”

“Yeah…sorry.”

“It’s alright. Just get back to work.”

Aaron huffed. “Well what are you doing?”

“Paperwork, and there’s not need to get cheeky.”

“I’m not, just asking.”

“Well don’t.” 

Aaron sighed. “Fine.” He walked out and got back to work. He couldn’t face having an argument. He didn’t even know if he wanted to find out how Cain would react anyway. 

 

Robert sunk down into his sofa with a cuppa placed in front of him. His day had been long and he needed to unwind with his favourite things. Tea, a comfy seat and the wind gusting against the windows outside.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron. The man that had told him he loved him. Messed up Robert is loved by someone.   
He smiled as he took his phone from his pocket. 

R: how was your day? 

Robert knew Aaron said he’d let him know, but Robert just wanted to talk to him. 

 

Aaron got home, slamming the door as he did. He walked up the stairs and into his room. It was dark, the light from the landing was shining in through the door as he sat staring at nothing. He didn’t know what to do. 

He heard the door go and then a shout from his uncle. 

Aaron took a deep breath and walked down to see him. 

“You left the door wide open!” Cain said with a frown. 

Aaron looked towards the door. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t mean to, are you an idiot or something!”

Aaron tensed. “No. I didn’t realise it was still open, so shut the hell up!”

Cains eyes widened. “I’m sorry, what!”

Aaron couldn’t care less at this point. “I said, shut the hell up.”

Cain moved closer as they both stood in the hallway.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Why not!”

“That’s not how we brought you up.”

Aaron laughed. “You two didn’t bring me up. I did that all by myself.”

“What?” Cains face softened. 

“You’re useless. I hate it here, always have. All you do is argue and shout. It’s horrible.”

Cain pointed his finger at Aaron. “You’re lucky we let you live here at all. We took you in.”

“Because you didn’t have a choice.”

“We did, we could have sent you off to live with someone else but we didn’t. We looked after you.”

“Bullshit. You don’t know the meaning of looking after someone. You gave me food and a bed. That’s it.”

Cain walked even closer. “You ungrateful shit. Fuck off then If it’s so bad!”

Aaron’s heart sank. “Maybe I will”

“Good!” 

Neither of them meant it but they had too much pride to say otherwise. 

“Fine.” Aaron ran up the stairs. He packed some clothes and wash things into a bag and jogged back down the stairs. 

“Should have gone years ago” he snarled at his uncle. His anger had increased when Cain hadn’t tried to stop him. 

“Yeah.” Is all Cain could think to say.

“Oh yeah, and I know your fucking that other woman, you’re an asshole.”

Cains face dropped as Aaron left quickly, slamming the door on his way out. 

 

Robert was watching the tell when the doorbell rang. 

He looked at the clock. 

8:40pm

He got up and answered the door. 

“Aaron!”

Aaron gave a half smile. “Hey. Sorry this is out of the blue but…”

“Are you okay?” He asked quickly. 

Aaron sighed. “Not really.”

“Come in.” 

Robert gestured with his hands as Aaron walked past him and into the hall way. 

“What’s with the bag?”

“That’s the thing…I’ve kinda left my uncles.”

“Why?”

“It’s…it’s complicated.”

Robert nodded slowly. “Ok.”

“Can I stay tonight?”

“Course you can.”

Robert took Aaron’s hand and kissed him softly. “Are you okay though?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

Robert yawned as his fingers laced Aaron’s. 

“We should go to bed.” Aaron said as he turned the TV off. 

“Probably a good idea.” Robert said as he started to yawn again. 

“You had a busy day?” Aaron asked. 

“Yeah. As always.”

Aaron shifted up the sofa. “Robert…”

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t you asking me why I’m here?”

Robert shook his head. “You didn’t seem to wanna tell me.”

“Don’t you wanna know?”

“Well…yeah but, if you don’t want to tell me then I’m not going to push you.”

Aaron nodded slowly then changed the subject. 

“Have you heard about your dad?”

Roberts whole body tensed. “What you mean?”

“Well about the funeral?” Aaron wished he’d never said anything as he felt Robert panic. 

Robert broke away from Aaron and stood up.   
“Err….no, well yeah. I have to organise it next week.”

Aaron looked up at Robert. “Ok.” He didn’t want to say anymore, he didn’t want to make Robert anxious. 

Robert looked around the room like he was trying to think of something to say. 

“Sorry Robert. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright.” Robert felt his palms sweating. 

Aaron stood up. “Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

Robert have a half smile and felt a little more at ease. “Yeah…yeah, sounds good.”

 

“Robert” Aaron whispered, testing to see if Robert was awake. 

Robert mumbled. “Yeah?”

Robert had his chest to Aaron’s back. His arms wrapped around his middle as he pulled Aaron towards him. 

“You awake?”

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Yeah.”

Aaron went silent. 

“What’s up?” Robert asked as he pressed his lips to the back of Aaron’s head. 

“It’s my uncle…he…he…”

“What?”

Aaron eyes scanned the small part of the darkened room.

“I saw him, he was with another woman.”

Robert frowned. “What you mean?”

“In the office. He was having it off with her.”

Robert raised his eyebrows “what!”

“Yeah. I was on my lunch break and came round the back way of the garage and I saw him through the window. She was bent over the desk and….”

“Yeah alright, alright! I don’t need the mental image thanks.”

“Sorry!.That’s why I’m here.”

Robert squeezed him tighter. “Did you argue?”

“Yeah well it wasn’t about that to start with but…he was annoying me so I just told him I saw him.”

“What did you start arguing about to begin with?”

Aaron sighed. 

“Just about growing up with him and my aunt. About how maybe I wasn’t the happiest.”

Robert could tell in Aaron’s voice he was uncomfortable. 

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s alright.”

“No it’s fine it was just, well they always argued. They still do.”

“They weren’t violent were they?”

“No! Not at all.”

Robert kissed Aaron’s hair. “Just angry at each other?”

Aaron sighed. “Yeah.”

Aaron leant back further into Robert. “I don’t know what I’m gunna do.”

“You can stay here.”

Aaron smiled. “Thank you for letting me stay. I should’ve called before I just turned up.”

“No Aaron, I mean you can move in with me.”

Aaron felt his heart almost stop. “What?”

“If you want that is.”

Aaron turned in Roberts arms. “We’ve only been together a really short while.”

“And this house is far too big for just me.”

“Yeah but…”

“But what?” 

Aaron sighed and ran a hand alone Roberts arm. “You don’t want me here.”

Robert moved in and kissed Aaron’s lips. “I want you here all the time. When your not with me, all I’m thinking about is you.”

Aaron smiled. “Robert….”

“What?”

“Are you serious about this?”

“Yeah. Move in with me Aaron.”

Aaron felt giddy. “Ok.”

Robert pulled Aaron closer. “Yeah, You will?”

“Yeah.” Aaron’s face was hurting with how big his smile was. “Yeah of course I will.”


	9. I’m with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY a new chapter. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading. :)

Aaron was downstairs before Robert. He’d left him sleeping as he couldn’t bare to wake him while he looked so peaceful. It was early so he knew robert didn’t need to get up just yet. He took the toast out of the toaster, buttered it then covered it with jam. With that and two coffees he made his way upstairs and into the bedroom. 

Robert frowned and smiled at the same time as his eyes adjust to the light through window. “What you doing?” His voice croaking. 

“Making you some breakfast before you have to go to work. Is that alright.” His voice was soft and with a added smile. he placed the tray on the bedside cabinet while leaning down to give Robert a morning kiss. 

“Mmm. I should’ve got you to move in sooner. This, I could get used to.” He sat up with a groan as Aaron hopped over the other side, making himself comfy again. 

“Here.” Robert passed Aaron his coffee. 

“Thanks.”

 

 

 

Robert was downstairs getting his bag ready to take into work. He knew he had a heap load of patients to see, so he made sure he had all his things prepared.

“You look fit in that shirt.” Aaron beamed from the hallway. 

“Do I now.” Robert put his bag over one shoulder and scooted over to Aaron. “Come here you.” He pulled Aaron in by his waist and kissed him slowly. He suddenly pulled away, and Aaron frowned. “Here.” He let go of Aaron and reached for the draw in the hallway cupboard. He pulled out a key. “You should have this.”

Aaron held out his hand as Robert placed it on his palm. “Really!”

Robert smiled. “Well yeah, you do live here now, you might need to get in when I’m not here.”

Aaron felt butterflies in his stomach. “Right, yeah. Thanks.”

He looked at his watch. “Shit. I better get going.”

He rushed into the living room, grabbing his car keys, walking back up to Aaron giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah.” 

Aaron had already decided he wasn’t going into work. He couldn’t face Cain. 

“You sure you’re okay with me staying here on my own.”

Robert laughed lightly. “What are you going to do! Have a rave.”

“Might do.” 

“Well if you do, text me. I wanna join in.” 

Aaron’s smile dropped. “No seriously though. Is this weird. Me being here alone all day without you.”

“Of course not. Right I have to go.” He kissed Aaron quickly. “Be good.” And with that he was gone. 

 

He heard Robert dive off as he walked into the kitchen. “Right”. Aaron said as he looked out the window onto the lawn “right.”

 

 

 

Robert had just got on his lunch break when his phone started to ring. He didn’t recognise the number but answered it anyway. 

“Hello?”

“Mr Sugden?”

“Yeah that’s me.”

“This is Lilly from Lloyd-long funeral services. I’ve been contacted by the undertaker about your father, Mr Jack Sugden.”

Robert froze. 

“Mr Sugden?” The women asked as the line went silent. 

Robert could feel his heart in his chest. The feeling of it pounding against his ribs. He pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up. 

He placed the phone calmly on the table in front of him and leant back on his chair. He couldn’t do it. It was his dad after all. He didn’t want to accept he was gone. It hurt too much. 

 

 

 

Aaron was in the kitchen doing a little tidying. He was lost as to what to do. Adam was at work and he didn’t really have a lot else to do other than go into town or to the beach but he couldn’t really see what the point was. Once he’d cleaned the cups and plates they’d used that morning he went into the garden. The image of Robert laying on the freezing grass kept coming back to him. He knew Robert had some real problems, but he also knew it wasn’t simple in any way. He’d never met anyone who dealt with their anxiety the way he did, the way he covered his memories with hurting himself that way. But he felt so calm around him. Just being next to Robert was a feeling he’d never had before, only with Adam but it wasn’t the same thing. Robert was someone who makes his whole Chest ache when he thinks about losing him. 

 

Robert hadn’t been concentrating properly since the phone call. He sat at his desk, tapping his fingers on the wood as his next patient walked in. 

“Afternoon sir.” Robert didn’t want to greet him, he didn’t want to ask him what was wrong. All he wanted was to go home, to get away from everyone and try to relax. He tried his best to put on a smile and act as if he was the kind doctor that wanted to help. The anxiety was rising in his stomach and chest. The heart palpitations echoed through him as he became dizzy. He gripped onto the chair as the patient walked over to the bed. “Come on.” He said to himself quietly. “Pull it together.”

 

Aaron had decided to go for a walk on the beach. It was a calm day but a little chilly. He’d borrowed one of Robert’s woollen hats that hung on the coat rack beside the front door. He stood on the stones, looking out to sea. He took a moment to take it all in, to take a deep breath to clear his mind of all the mess that seemed to be filling it. After a few minutes he sat done. He took another deep breath and pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket. 

 

After the last patient had gone Robert was a mess. He’d had a few comments asking if he was okay, but he managed to convince them he was fine. His hands were shaking along with his legs, and his heart was beating hard in his chest. He gathered all his things into his bag and quickly rushed out the main doors at the front of the building. He got to his car and stumbled inside. His hands gripped the steering wheel. “Come on. Come on. Breath.” He whispered to himself. He put a hand on his chest, shutting his eyes and taking deep breaths “in… out.” He kept going until he felt his chest relax enough to put the key in the ignition and start the car. 

 

Aaron stood outside the garage. He’d called Cain earlier but there hadn’t been an answer so he thought he’d just pop by and see if he was in.   
He walked into the small door at the side of the building and looked around. He was about to shout out for him when he heard some noises from the office. He walked round slowly and looked through the small opening as the door wasn’t fully closed. 

 

 

Robert got home as quick as he could. He new he shouldn’t have been driving in the state he was in but he just needed to get home. The walked in the front door and called out for Aaron. Nothing. He checked his phone, but he didn’t have any messages. Chucking his bag down he walking into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. He pulled a chair out from under the dining table and sat down softly. His dizzying was easing off but he still felt panicked. He downed the water and headed upstairs to the bathroom. He found the tablets and swallowed them with a hand full of tap water. He held onto the sink and looked at himself on the mirror. His face was pale and his skin felt sticky. He turned to look at the shower, then Back at his reflection. He so desperately wanted to step in that shower and turn the temperature up as far as it would go. It’s was like an addictive, possessive person inside him willing him on to do it. He tried. He really did but he couldn’t fight it. 

 

 

It was an hour later and Aaron used his key to get into the house. It was dark in the house but Roberts car was back. He looked around downstairs before creeping upstairs to find Robert asleep in his boxers on top of the bed covers. He was curled up like a child. Aaron just stood there for a minute trying to work out what was going on. It was only 7pm. Was Robert feeling unwell, and that’s when he thought the worst. What if he’d had another episode, panicked and Aaron wasn’t here to help him. He walked beside the bed and pulled the blanket that laid at the bottom of the bed over the top of him up to his shoulders. He didn’t want Robert to get cold. He softly walked back down the stairs and into the living room. 

 

Half and hour later and Robert walked into the living room to find Aaron watching the tele. 

“Hey.” Aaron said as his head short towards Robert. 

Robert felt a little confused and dazed. “Sorry I just..”

He trailed off. 

“Are you alight?” Aaron turned the tele off. 

“Yeah. I just…”

“Robert you don’t have to lie.. not to me.”

Robert felt like crying. “It was horrible.”

Aaron got up and moved closer to Robert, holding onto his arm. “What was?”

“I panicked.”

Aaron felt his stomach flip. “When?”

“At work. This morning.”

“Come sit down.” Aaron guided Robert to the sofa. “Tell me about it.” 

Robert was silent for a while, just playing with the rim on Aaron’s jumper. 

“A woman rang me about the funeral.” 

He could see the effect it has on Robert by just talking about it. 

“Ok. Do they want you to arrange it?”

“Yeah. Aaron I can’t. I can’t.” He felt panicked again. “I hate this. I don’t want this again.” His hand held his chest. “Please just make it stop.” He began to cry and Aaron felt helpless. “Aaron.” He sobbed into Aaron’s chest. 

“I’m here alright. You will get through this.” He kissed the top of Roberts head. “I promise alright. We will, together.”

Robert just closed his eyes and tried to focus on Aaron’s breathing as Aaron rubbed up and down his back slowly. “Trust me.” Aaron whispered. 

 

 

 

The bedroom was dark apart from the small flickering candle in the corner of the room. Robert had let Aaron know that the calming scent always made him feel a little more relaxed, so Aaron made sure he didn’t feel embarrassed about it by making a point of how good it smelled and telling Robert how much of a good idea it was. 

 

They both laid there in silence. Aaron wasn’t sure if Robert wanted to be hugged or not. He moved his hand so it rested over Roberts hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Robert let out a soft breath. 

“Thank you for this.”

Aaron smiled. “You don’t have to thank me. I want to help you.”

“I feel bad. I feel like your having to look after me.”

“I am. I always will if you let me.”

That made Robert feel so loved. That Aaron cares about him, that’s he sees this as a long term thing. 

“I know I have to deal with it. I know he needs to be respectfully put to rest.” Robert gripped Aaron’s hand tighter. “Will you come with me. I want to go down there tomorrow and sort it out but I don’t think I can do it alone.”

“Of course I will. Yeah.”

Robert moved so he was on his side facing Aaron. Aaron did the same thing. 

Their faces so close as Aaron shuffled closer and kissed Roberts lips. “I’ve never been this happy.” 

Roberts heart thumped suddenly. “What?”

Aaron smiled at how shocked Robert looked. “You make me feel so happy, so peaceful. I’ve never had that in my life.”

“Me either.” 

“I don’t want to lose you.” 

Robert sneaked his hand around Aaron side and up his back, pulling him closer. “You won’t.”

 

 

It was 2am and Aaron couldn’t sleep. He’d kept turning over and over so in the end he just got up and out of bed. Robert was fast asleep with his arms wrapped round the duvet. It suited him, the calm look on his face as he peacefully slept. 

 

He sat on the comfy sofa in the living room. Pulling the blanket over him as he settled into the cushions, he thought about Cain. About what he’d seen earlier in his office. He couldn’t believe he was still sleeping with that women, after him knowing Aaron knew.   
Aaron pulled the blanket up further and looked out into the dark room. His thoughts kept going over how Robert was his source of happiness and without him he’d be alone. He knew he had his best mate Adam but in the end, he knew it wouldn’t be enough to make him completely happy. He didn’t even know he could feel the way he did, but he did and Robert was that reason. 

 

Robert woke up around an hour later to a cold side of the bed. He brushed his eyes with his hands and crawled from the bed. He looked quickly into the bathroom but couldn’t see him. Creeping downstairs he saw Aaron asleep against the padded cushions of the sofa. He smiled. He couldn’t help it.   
Sitting down next to him gently he put a hand through his hair. Aaron stirred and opened his eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’okay” Aaron sat up. “How you feeling?”

“Good. Wondering why your not in my bed.”

“Couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want to wake you.”

“Well you seem to be able to now.”

Aaron closed his eyes lazily “seems so.”

Robert pulled him into a hug. “Is that all?”

“Mmmnn” 

“Is there something wrong Aaron.” 

He pulled away. “Nothing.”

Robert gave Aaron a knowing look. “Just Cain that’s all.”

“Has something else happened?”

“No just.. I went to see him today at the garage. I wanted to try and sort things out but all I saw was him and that woman again going at it. He’s unbelievable.”

“Did he see you?”

“No. I just left.”

Robert ran a hand down Aaron’s arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just hoped he’d do the right thing and tell her instead of carrying on.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Your the reason I’m not losing my mind about it.”

“How do you mean?”

“Robert… you mean a lot to me.”

Robert smiled. “Do I?”

Aaron laughed. “Like you don’t already know.”

Robert moved to capture Aaron’s lips. 

 

 

“Robert. We don’t have to do this now.”

“We do. I have to. He’s my dad.”

They both opened their doors at the same time and got out of Roberts car. The funeral planning offices were across the road. Aaron took Roberts hand as he walked with him to the front door before ringing the bell. 

“Hello?”

Robert didn’t say anything.

Aaron looked from Robert to the speaker. “Hello. We have an appointment. Mr Sugden.” He said for Robert. 

“Yes. Come right in.” The door buzzed and Aaron pushed it open. 

“Robert.” Aaron squeezed his hand “Robert.”

Robert looked at him. “Yeah, Sorry.” 

“You want to do this?”

Robert sighed deeply and smiled. “Yeah.”

 

 

 

“This one?” Lilly asked pointing at a picture of a coffin. “Or maybe something a little more fancy.”

Robert felt like he was in a daze. Aaron had answered most of the questions with Robert agreeing but this was Roberts choice. The woman was being as patient as she could as she could see Robert was deeply uncomfortable. 

“Robert.” Aaron voice was soft “this ones nice.” He pointed to a light wood with framed edges. 

“Yeah. That’s ones nice.” Robert said quietly. 

“Do you want to look at more?” Lilly asked. 

Aaron looked at Robert and then back at her “this one will be fine thank you.”

“Great, ok.”

 

 

 

Aaron passed Robert his cup of hot tea. “Thank you.”

They both sat in the kitchen. “Of course.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Aaron placed a hand on his. 

Robert shook his head. “I can’t believe it’s in a weeks time. A week that’s all I have until I have to say goodbye.” 

“It might help.”

Robert sipped his tea. “Maybe.”

 

 

Robert woke up to the sound of the sea. It was crashing around him as Aaron kneeled over him. 

“ROBERT” he shouted, clearly distressed. “Can you hear me?”

Robert tried to speak but he couldn’t, his body wouldn’t let him. 

“Just stay awake, ok. Stay with me, please.”


	10. Never ends

“Just stay still for me.” 

Roberts eyes closed. 

“ROBERT.” Aaron began to panic again. 

He could hear the sounds of the ambulance sirens above the waves crashing. 

“Robert they’re here. They’re here now. Your going to be okay.”

Robert didn’t respond apart from his eyes flicking open and then closed again. 

 

 

“How’s he doing?” Aaron stood outside Roberts hospital room. 

The doctor put his notes away. “He’s doing just fine, thanks to you. Do you know what happen, why he was in the water?”

“No. I just found him.”

Aaron really didn’t know. He had a good idea but he wasn’t sure. “Can I see him now?”

“Absolutely.” 

“Thanks.”

Aaron smiled as the doc walked away. He walked into the hospital room, seeing Robert looking at him with confusion. 

“What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Robert looked at his hands, then around the room. “No.”

Aaron walked over and sat on the side of the bed. “I found you in the water.”

“What?” Robert didn’t understand. 

“I don’t know what happened. I woke up and you were gone. The front door was wide open and I couldn’t see you anywhere for ages. Then I saw you in the water, face down.”

He could see Aaron’s breath catch in his throat as he said the last part. “I must’ve been sleep walking.”

Aaron took Roberts hand. “If you did this Robert. If you meant to do this to yourself then please tell me. I won’t tell them but I need to know.”

“What do you mean?”

Aaron shook his head. “If you tried to kill yourself Rob.”

“WHAT!”

Robert took his hand away from Aaron’s. “No I didn’t do that. Why would I?”

“I’m sorry, I had to ask.”

Aaron felt a tear run down his cheek, and Robert saw it. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Aaron.”

“As long as your okay now, that’s all that matters.”

“That’s just it isn’t it. What if I’m not okay. What if I do this again.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t.”

“How can you, I was asleep next to you and you didn’t notice me leave.”

Aaron felt awful. “I’m sorry.”

Roberts face dropped. “No Aaron, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, that’s not what I meant.”

 

The door opened and one of the nurses walked in. “Morning Robert.” She said politely. 

Aaron got up off the bed “I’ll just go get some coffees for us.” His face was sad and Robert felt bad. 

 

 

Aaron got to the café and sat down on one of the chairs in the canteen. It was early in the morning, so the place was empty apart from a few people doing the same as him. He felt lost. He couldn’t believe what had happened. How close Robert was to dying, how close he was to losing his life. He closed his eyes and he saw a flashback of Robert face down on the stones. His eyes burst open as his heart thumped in his chest. He didn’t want to see it again, to think about it. It was too much. 

 

 

Robert had been on his own for 20 minutes when Aaron came back with the drinks. 

“Thought you’d got lost.” He joked. 

Aaron smiled. “No, sorry. Didn’t know how long the nurse would be.” 

“She only checked the machines and then left.”

“Oh.”

Aaron passed the drink to Robert and sat down on the uncomfortable chair next to the bed. 

After a minute or two of silent Robert looked at Aaron. “I wasn’t saying it was your fault. Of course it wasn’t.”

“I know. It’s fine.”

“They told me you saved me.”

Aaron just looked down at his coffee. “Yeah?”

“Yeah that you resuscitated me.”

Aaron just nodded, still not looking at Robert. 

“Aaron, are you okay?”

He looked up. “Just had a long night.” He gave Robert a half smile. “Can’t get it out my head.”

“What?”

“Seeing you in the water.” He said as a whisper like he couldn’t say it out loud. 

Roberts brain went into a spin, he just stared at Aaron. “I’m sorry, Aaron. Maybe this was a mistake.”

Aaron frowned. “What?”

“Me and you. It’s too much for you.”

“No.” Aaron spoke without even thinking. “No don’t do this. I’m here for you.”

“Yeah and it’s messing with your head.” Robert shifted in the bed. “I don’t want to make you like me.”

“What?”

“Messed up in the head. I’m broken Aaron.”

Aaron rushed over and sat beside him. “No your not. Don’t say that.”

Roberts eyes welled up “what kind of person goes out in the middle of the night and almost kills them selves in the freezing sea.”

“You where sleep walking.”

“WAS I?”

Aaron frowned. “What?” 

“How do I know that’s what happened. Maybe I just woke up and wanted to kill myself. I can’t remember Aaron.”

Aaron went quiet for a moment. “Do you want to die?”

Tears ran down Roberts face. “No.” He began to cry and Aaron shuffled up closer, pulling him into a hug. 

“I’m not going anywhere Robert.”

 

 

It was late on the evening and Robert was moaning to the doctor that he wanted to go home.

“We need to keep you here for observation for at least a couple more days I’m afraid, just to make sure.”

Robert just nodded and sulked like a child. 

The doctor left and Aaron burst out laughing. 

“What?”

“You are an actual petty kid you know that.”

“Am not.”

Aaron laughed again. “Course not.”

“Why don’t you shut up and go get me some fast food. I’m starving.”

“Alright fine.” He got up and kissed Roberts lips. “What do you want?” 

“Nando’s.” 

“That’s all the way across town.”

“Alright, fish and chip shop down the road?”

“I doubt it’s open at this time.”

“Fine. Whatever you can find.”

Aaron smiled. “I’ll be back soon.” 

 

 

Aaron was on his way back with two lots of burger and chips when he got a text from Adam. 

Adam: Where are you?

Aaron: at the hospital with Robert. He had a accident but he’s alright.

Adam: Can I ring you? 

Aaron: yeah. 

 

A minute Later Aaron answered the phone. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Aaron it’s Cain. He’s in a bit of a mess.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s in my flat. He’s drunk and crying.”

Aaron couldn’t help but smile a little. “What!”

“He turned up here because he couldn’t find you.”

“Why does he want to find me?”

“He keeps saying he’s sorry and asking for you.”

Aaron started to feel a pang of sympathy for his uncle. “Well just send him home. Tell him I’ll see him tomorrow.”

“He says Mary chucked him out. He’s saying he wants to stay here. Can you just come and see him please.”

“I can’t. I’m here with Robert. Can he just stay at yours?”

“Aaron.” Adam sounded annoyed. “If he throws up on my sofa I will kill you.”

Aaron looked down the corridor, then back again. “Alright. Maybe I can come for a bit and see him. Try to sober him up yeah?” 

“Good. Yeah I’ll try but he’s being a right pain.”

“I’ll be there as soon as, Alright?”

“Yeah. Good, bye.” 

Adam hung up before Aaron could say bye, so he knew he was annoyed. 

 

Aaron smiled as he saw Roberts face light up at the burger packet. 

“I hope you got me large chips as well.”

“Of course.” Aaron winked. “Well, actually you can have mine too. Adam called and my Dads at his.”

“What?.”

“He’s drunk apparently and wants to see me.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well I have to go see him. Adams not happy because he’s refusing to leave.”

“Right. So you have to go.”

Aaron nodded. “I’ll be back as soon as I’ve sorted that out.”

“Well maybe you should stay at Adams if that’s alright with him.”

Aaron shook his head. “No it’s alright. I’ll come back here.”

“What’s the point. At least then one of us will get a good nights sleep.”

Aaron didn’t want to be without Robert for the night. He felt like he needed to watch over him. 

“Well I’ll see what Adam says.”

He passed Robert the bag of chips. “See you in a bit. And if you need me, just ring okay.”

“Yeah.” 

He leant down and kissed Robert a couple of times. “Be good.”

 

 

“Where’s Aaron!” Cain said sharply to Adam as he got up off the sofa. 

“He should be here soon…” 

Just in that second, there was a knock at the door. 

“See, there he is.”

Adam opened the door and looked at Aaron with a pissed off look on his face.

“Sorry.” Aaron said quietly as he could see Adam was far from happy about the situation. 

He walked in and saw Cain sitting on the sofa looking absolutely awful. “What are you doing here?”

Cain got up and walked closer to Aaron “I’m so sorry son.”

Aaron just frowned and stared at him. 

“Aaron I messed up. Please just try and understand.”

“Hang on.” Aaron shook his head. “What’s changed from a couple of days a go when you were still sleeping with that women?”

“What?”

“I went to the garage to try and talk to you, sort this out between us and I saw you AGAIN with her.”

“It’s over now. I promise.”

“Yeah because you got found out!” Adam said sternly. 

Aaron’s eyes widened “Mary knows?”

Cain nodded. “She’s kicked me out. I’ve got no where to go. Please, can you talk to her for me.”

Aaron laughed. “Talk to her. You’ve been sleeping with someone else, what exactly do you want me to say!”

“I love her.” His words were broken. 

Aaron took a deep breath in. He wanted to be kind but he just did have the patience. “All you two do is argue anyway. That’s why a lot of my childhood was miserable, because all I’d hear was shouting, anger and hatred is all I seemed to hear and see. I’ve grown to hate you because of it.”

Cain’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry.”

Adam gave Aaron a look. 

Aaron just stared at his uncle. “It’s only you who can try and make this work. If she doesn’t want to know, then that’s your fault. Do you like this other woman, have any actual real feelings for her?”

“No. I love Mary.”

“Right well tell her that.”

“I have.”

“Well tell her again, and Cain..” he looked up at Aaron “You’re the one in the wrong. You’ve broken her heart, that’s YOUR doing. If she doesn’t want you then leave her alone, let her come to terms with it.”

Aaron knew just what Cain was like, he’d keep on and on at her until he’d probably end up getting arrested for harassment or something. 

Cain nodded. “Yeah.”

“Do you want a lift to a hotel?”

Cain looked at Adam, as to ask if he could stay.

Adam sighed. “Fine. But if you throw up, your paying to replace whatever you ruin.”

“Thank you.” Aaron ran a hand down Adams shoulder. “I appreciate it.” 

 

 

Aaron was half asleep when he got back to the hospital. He stopped off at the café to get himself a coffee. He just needed to see Robert and fall asleep with him. The hospital was quiet, If was creepy as he roamed the corridors trying to find Roberts room with two coffees in hand. He clocked the room and slowly opened the door. 

Robert was sleeping silently as Aaron placed the cups on the small cabinet and undone his coat. 

As he was about to sit down, the doctor walked in. 

He smiled at Aaron. “Can I have a word?”

Aaron nodded, a little confused. “Yeah.” 

They went out into the corridor and sat on some seats around the corner. 

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes he’s fine. I wanted to ask you about him having panic attacks.”

Aaron looked concerned. “Has he had another one?”

“Yes. About an hour ago.”

“What happened. Is he alright?.”

“He’s fine now. He was very distressed though. Aaron has he ever self harmed before?”

Aaron blinked quickly trying to work out what to say. 

“Listen, we need to know?”

“Yeah he has.” Aaron felt awful. He knew Robert wouldn’t want him telling anyone.”

“He was trying to cut himself when we found him.”

Aaron’s heart sank. “What!”

“Has he done that before.”

Aaron shook his head in a state of sheer anxiety “I don’t know. I… I haven’t known him that long. I just… I don’t really know.”

“That’s ok. We just need to keep a close eye on him.”

“He’s not crazy!”

“I know. Of course he’s not, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“He’s just… He’s had a tough life.”

The doctor smiled. “He’s in the best place.”

“He doesn’t need a Doctor, just maybe, a councillor or something.”

“We will asses him tomorrow and see what we should do.”

“Right.”

 

 

Aaron sat down next to Robert’s bed and took hold of his hand gently. “I’m here.” He knew Robert was asleep but he just wanted to tell him anyway.”

 

Robert startled awake as the sun was just rising. He looks over to see Aaron holding his hand with his head resting on the bed as he slept. The smile that consumed Roberts face was one he had no control over. He felt so lucky to have this amazing man wanting to be with him. 

The noise of a door slamming outside work him from his slumber. 

“Mmnnn” he moaned as he lifted his head and released his hand from Roberts. He looked up “hey.”

“Hey. Sleeping beauty.” He joked. 

“Well I wouldn’t go that far.” 

Robert sat up more and grabbed his glass of water from the side. 

Aaron stretched out and shifted in his seat. 

“Are you alright?” Aaron smiled. “They told me what happened.” Aaron was trying his best to not make a big deal of it. Of course it was, but he wanted to keep things calm. 

“I didn’t mean to scare anyone.” 

“What do you mean?”

“The nurse looked scared of me. I wouldn’t ever hurt anyone.”

“I think they were scared you would hurt yourself, not them.”

“I just… I don’t know.” Robert stumbled with his words. He looked at his arm where the marks laid.”

“You wanted to fill your mind with something else other than the thoughts you were having.”

Robert looked up. “I needed them to go away.”

Aaron understand. “What was it, your dad?”

Robert shook his head. “No, the sea, the water. I was scared.”

“You mean on the beach?”

“Yeah. Like I remembered small bits but it was more of a feeling than anything else.”

Robert looked scared as his mind seemed to want to go back there. 

“Don’t think about it.. hey.” Aaron grabbed his shoulder. “Look at me.”

Robert did. His eyes focused on Aaron’s. “I don’t want this anymore.” 

Aaron felt powerless. “I will help you get through this. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

After a few minutes Aaron yawned with a sigh. He smiled, stood up and kissed Roberts lips softly. 

“What happened with Cain?”

“Mary found out about him having it off with someone else.”

“Has she finished with him?”

“Yea.”

“So he’s not taking it to well then?”

“No. Not at all. He was sorry but, they always are.”

Robert raised his eyebrows “Sounds like you’ve had experience?” 

Aaron snorted “no.” He smiled at Roberts half smile “I haven’t ever been cheated on!”

“Alright.” Robert turned away with side eyes and Aaron laughed. “Shut up!” 

Aaron leant in and kissed him again. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

It was a few days later and Aaron was making Robert a fry up in the kitchen. He’d been released from hospital the previous day and Aaron had made sure he was taking it easy. 

“I’m not in a coma Aaron.. I can make myself food.”

“Shhh… eat this.” Aaron placed a massive plate of Sausages, eggs, fried potatoes, tomatoes, beans and fried mushrooms in front of him. “Enjoy.”

“Thank you.”

He kissed Roberts cheek. “Right I have to go to work.”

“How’s Cain this morning, did you speak to him?”

“Yeah. He’s coming in today so.. I’ll see how he is.”

“Don’t work too hard.”

“I won’t.”

Aaron got to the door and looked back. He didn’t want to leave Robert on his own, but he knew he had to. The nurse was coming to see him today to make sure he was doing okay. They’d talked about telling her about this episodes and his self harm, but Aaron wanted to be there for him when he did. 

“Robert.”

Robert grabbed his chest “Christ Aaron. Way to scare me to death, I thought you’d gone.”

Aaron laughed. “Sorry.” Aaron sat down quickly next to him.”

“What are you doing?”

“Do you want me to be here when the nurse gets here?”

Robert sighed. “We’ve has this conversation Aaron. I’ll be fine. You have to work and, well… maybe it’d be better on my own.”

“Oh.. right.”

Robert felt bad. “I just mean, maybe I’ll be able to get more out because I know it won’t upset you.”

“Do you do that. Not tell me stuff because you think it’ll upset me.” 

“No.”

Aaron tilted his head. 

“I don’t. I just… i think if it’s a stranger I can say more.”

“Right.” Aaron didn’t get it. 

“But you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Ok… so I’ll see you later then.”

Robert smiled. “Yeah. Well that’s if I haven’t keeled over from all this fried food.”

Aaron nodded “Yeah.” His voice unsure. “See yea.”

 

Aaron walked in to the garage with a smile as he saw Cain working on a car. 

“Hey.”

Cain looked up. “Hey Aaron. Alright?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah.” He looked around. “Right, what needs doing?”

Aaron took his coat off and lifted the overalls off the hook. 

“Aaron… can we talk?”

“Yeah.”

Cain put the hood down and sat against it. “I’m really sorry about.. about the other night. I’m so embarrassed.”

“It’s forgotten, okay.”

“Are you not mad?” 

Aaron sat down on a stack of tires. “You messed up, you have to deal with it. I hate what you’ve done and I wish you hadn’t done it to Mary, but you have, and you’re the one who will lose in the end.”

Cain sighed. “I know. I already have.”

Aaron thought now was the best time to tell Cain about Robert. 

“I’ve got a boyfriend.” He thought just blurting it out was the easiest way. 

Cain took a few seconds before nodding. “Right. Okay, good.”

“He’s a amazing, and I’ve moved in with him.”

“I thought you were staying with Adam.”

“No.”

“So.. what’s his name?”

“Your not bothered?” Aaron thought Cain would be more stand off-ish around the fact that it’s a guy.”

“I’ve always supported you.”

“Yeah I know, but..”

“I’m glad you’ve met someone.” 

Aaron smiled. “I really like him Cain.”

“Well don’t mess up like I did then.”

Aaron snorted “me and Robert are completely different to you and Mary.” 

“In what way?”

“Well we don’t argue 24/7 for a start.”

Cain shook his head. “We’re not that bad!.”

“What!” 

Cain sighed. “We’re fiery, that’s all.”

“That’s putting it lightly.” 

Cain could see how Aaron’s face dropped. “I’m sorry, for being a bad uncle to you.” 

Aaron’s eyes shot up. “What?” 

“Like you said, about how I wasn’t a good parent to you, that you looked after yourself. I’m sorry I was useless, and I was.. I was not the type of person who could handle looking after you.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say. 

“Aaron, I love you so much. You are a son to me but I guess when your dad died I just wasn’t ready to be a dad, but I tried to step up and be one for you. I guess that didn’t work out.”

“Cain..” Aaron felt tears in his eyes. “You we’re there for me. It’s just a lot of the time I was so unhappy because our home was a war zone. I’d come home and all I had all night was you two arguing, you storming out and Mary treating me like I was a mistake that shouldn’t have happened. It sucked.”

“I’m sorry.” Cain wiped a tear off his cheek. “I couldn’t see it at the time.”

“That’s why I played up, caused trouble at school because I was trying to tell you in some way I guess. Tried to let people know that I was unhappy with my life. I was just a kid, I didn’t know how to show you that, or anyone else.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I know. It’s alright.”

“It’s not.”

Aaron shook his head. “No it’s not, but I’m older now, I’m stronger and I’m happy.”

“That doesn’t make the past right.”

“No, but I can learn from it I guess, and now that I’m telling you, maybe you can too. I don’t hate you. I know it was hard for you.”

“I never wanted you to be unhappy.”

“I know.”

Aaron walked over and put his arms out, seeing if Cain would take up his offer. Cain smiled and pulled Aaron into a hug. 

“I’ll be the best uncle I can be from now on.”

Aaron pulled away and smiled. “Deal.” 

 

 

“Hello. Come in.” Robert moved backwards and waved a hand, directing the black haired women into his home.”

“Thank you.” She smiled sweetly. “I’m Kerry. Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Robert smiled and shook the hand that she offered to him. 

“We can sit in the kitchen. Follow me.” 

They walked down the hall and into the spacious kitchen. “Please, take a seat.” 

They both sat down opposite each other as Kerry got her paperwork out of the laptop bag she’d been clutching. 

 

 

Aaron was heading back to the house as he and Cain had decided to close half day. They both needed some down time and they didn’t have any cars in that afternoon. As he was driving back he kept thinking how Robert didn’t want him at the house when the nurse was there. He wanted to, but he knew it wasn’t fair on Robert. He went round the corner and carried on down the road, heading away from Roberts and towards Adams flat. 

 

 

“The doctor were quite concerned about the panic attack you had, and how you tried to hurt yourself.”

“I know it probably looked bad but, I’m not.. I don’t want to kill myself.”

“I’m not saying you do Robert. I’m just trying to make sure you have all the help you need in case you need some extra support if you need it.”

Robert nodded. “I understand that, I do. I just don’t think I need extra help.”

“It doesn’t have to be anything full on. It can just be a meeting every week to see how your feeling.”

“I know. Yeah. I… I’m fine.”

Kerry tapped her pen on be paper work. “Have you talked to your family about what happened to you?”

Robert went silent. 

“Robert?.”

Robert felt anxious. “I have Aaron.”

Kerry nodded. “He’s your….”

“Boyfriend.” Robert added. “He’s amazing. He helps me if I get panicked.” 

“That’s good.” 

“He’s all I need.”

“Is there a reason for your episode on the beach.”

“Episode?” Robert frowned. 

“The doctors told me had some sort of black out and sleep walking state as you went into the sea.”

“I don’t remember.”

“That’s okay.” Kerry could see he was getting agitated. “Maybe we should discuss other possibilities of help.”

“I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP!” He shouted. He instantly realised he was out of order. “I’m so sorry. Sorry.” He got up and walked over to the sink. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” She gathered her things. “Listen, I can see this is obviously very difficult for you. It’s alright to be scared and worried. It’s normal.”

The world ‘normal’ was a odd word to Robert. He’d never felt normal. 

“I’m fine.” 

 

“How’s he doing?” Adam asked as he passed Aaron a can of coke.

Aaron leant back on the sofa “I’m not sure really.”

“He was lucky!”

Aaron sighed. “It was really scary actually. I thought he was dead.”

“You did great mate. I don’t know what I’d of done if it was me in situation. Thanks to you, he’s alive.” 

“I guess.” 

“You guess. Mate you have him CPR! That’s amazing.”

Out of no where, a rush of emotion filled Aaron chest as he looked at Adam. “I love him. And I’m terrified I’m going to lose him.”

Adam moved closer and rested a hand on his arm. “I thought he was alright now?”

Aaron didn’t say anything, he just poked at the coke can. 

Adams could see there was something else “Talk to me.” 

“He’s got issues. He has panic attacks a lot.”

“Right.”

“Stuff happened in his past and it haunts him.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“I can’t tell you. But I don’t know how to help him.”

Adam took a deep breath in. “Let him know how much you care, how he can talk to you.”

“He knows that. I’ve told him that.”

“Just be there for him. Not much else you can do.”

“He’s seeing the nurse today.” Aaron looks at the clock on the wall above the tele. “Probably there now.”

“About what?”

“Just to see how he’s doing. But I took him to tell her about the panics.”

“Do you think he will?”

“I hope so. I wanted to be there with him but he didn’t want me there.”

Aaron stood up, placing the can on the counter and sighed. “He’s everything to me Adam. He makes me feel so comfortable.”

Adam knew how Aaron had struggled in his life, he knew Aaron saying that meant a lot. “Good.”

“I can’t let this slip away.”

“Why do you think it’s slipping away?”

“It’s just too good to be true. He’s to perfect.”

Adam smiled. “You love him don’t you?”

Aaron just nodded and smiled. 

 

 

Aaron turned the key and opened the door quietly. He was sure the nurse would be gone by now, but he didn’t want to make too much noise in case he was wrong. 

“Hey.” 

The voice came from the sofa.

“Hey.” Aaron took his shoes off, walking into the living room and placing himself next to Robert. “How did it go?”

Robert closed his eyes. “Bad.” 

“How come?”

Aaron rested his head on the cushion next to Robert. 

“Just… she said something about family and I went off on one at her. I felt horrible but it just came out.” 

“Did you talk about getting anxious?”

“Kinda. Not really helped anything though. I think I scared her and she just wanted to leave after that?”

“Scared her?”

“I shouted at her. She looked uncomfortable.”

“I’m sure she’s alright.”

“Yeh, I just wish I could talk more.”

“You can talk to me.”

Robert moved and kissed Aaron’s soft lips. “I know.”

Aaron moved even closer and kissed Roberts neck. “I love you so much.”

Roberts eyes closed at the feeling of Aaron’s lips on his neck making his whole body relax. “Feels so nice.”

Aaron’s hand ran up and down his thick thigh slowly. 

Robert could feel himself growing hard. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Aaron pulled away, got off the sofa and walked out the room and up the stairs. Robert just watched in silence, before following him. 

 

Aaron was on his back with his legs wrapped round Roberts waist. The deep noise of Aaron’s moans in time with Roberts thrusts filled the room. His face was buried in Aaron’s neck as his forearms rested by his sides, propping him up as his hips moved in a fast rhythm against Aaron’s. 

It was hot and raw. The feeling Aaron had of being so full of Robert. The feel of his thick head brushing frantically against the bundle of nerves inside him made his limbs go weak. His breath caught in his throat as his dick bounced against his stomach. The sensations deep inside him made his legs squeeze against Robert tightly. Robert came hard as Aaron’s body fixed round his throbbing dick. 

Trying to make Aaron relax, Robert kissed small kisses to Aaron’s neck. “Breath.” He said as a whisper. Aaron’s legs slowly fall to the side as Robert felt Aaron looses around him enough to pull out. He slipped down the length of Aaron’s body and took him in his mouth. The second he did, Aaron who body jolted upwards. “Fuck.” Aaron’s looked at Robert to see him taking him all the way to the base, pulling his mouth up slowly and then back down again. It wasn’t long before Aaron’s lower stomach contracted, spilling into Roberts mouth with force. As Robert carried on, Aaron slowly pushed his shoulder to tell him it was enough.

Robert moved up to Aaron’s head, kissing his lips deeply, he smiled at the way Aaron was completely wrecked. 

“Fuck.” Aaron said again. 

Robert rolled over, taking the condom off, tying it up and chucking it in the bin next to the bed. He rolled over and pulled the covers over both of them, kissing Aaron’s cheek as he settled into his chest. 

“That felt so good.” Aaron breathed out as his chest became calmer. 

“Always like to please.” Robert joked.

Aaron laughed. “You definitely did that.”

Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

“No I mean it Robert. You mean so much to me.”

“I feel the same about you.”

Aaron kissed into Roberts hair. “This is where I want to be forever.”

Robert felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. “I want you to be here forever too.” 

 

It was the middle of the night when Robert woke up frantically. He couldn’t breath, clutching at the duvet. His fathers funeral was in two days, and he wasn’t ready to deal with it.

**Author's Note:**

> So I've started another story..again! 
> 
> For anyone interested in "what is the price of love" I am going to continue it but I needed to write something else at the moment. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comment, tell me what you think. The first chapter is short as it's a little introduction. Hope you enjoy. :)


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